How did you not know you had been traumatized?

Prior Knowledge

First, I knew about some stuff. I obviously had issues stemming from my father being absent most of the time, the divorce, and his caring about what others think (looks) over authenticity and comfort. I had issues from strict caregivers who were not my parents. And with my mother dying when I was in college, that made things much worse for me. I had trouble with dad not respecting my privacy as well2. And I knew that being left alone a lot of the time was not the best decision on the part of my parents. It led me to being afraid of my brother attacking me and not being able to defend myself, because that happened. A child living in that environment will become hypervigilant of dangers.

What Triggered This NEW Comprehension?

Tim Fletcher created a video series on all the various signs that someone who had been emotionally neglected might have now that they are an adult.

I had way too many of them… I was overwhelmed after hearing his video list. He mentioned the book, “Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect3,” which I quickly purchased and read Part 1 (Running on Empty) and 2 (Out of Fuel) and could see that a majority of the ways one would be “Running on Empty” happened to me in various ways (I had a perfect storm, see below), and I had all the signs of being “Out of Fuel” as an adult.

Subscribe now

What I Did NOT Comprehend ‘Til Now

The MAGNITUDE of blaming myself

As a 40+ year old woman, I could see things in my past didn’t put me on a great trajectory so I made stupid decisions as a young “adult” which compounded my issues. And I blamed myself, a lot. I thought those were my mistakes; “I should have known better” (though who would have taught me better?). “No Compassion for Self, Plenty for Others” is one of the signs of being emotionally neglected. Another is guilt and shame and also, “Self-Directed Anger and Blame.”

Are you noticing a pattern yet? I was taking on way too much responsibility and then being upset with myself for failing. Is it any surprised that as an adult trying to work through things, I’ve taken an interest in (and have written a lot about) responsibility shifting?

Before this realization a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been dealing for years with the fact that I did take on too much responsibility as a child. (Children do that when they feel powerless, because it gives them a sense that maybe there will be something they can do to protect themselves). I learned that I would take on too much responsibility when I started to study the Drama Triangle and saw that I would take on the “savior” role a lot in my past.

So, yes, some of it I realized, but after seeing all of the adult signs listed out and how much they apply to me, it hit my like a ton of bricks. I knew some. But I had no idea how completely it had damaged my life and who I am today.

Our Memory Recording Problem

One problem with emotionally neglected children is a lack of childhood memories. It could be so painful to reach out to your parent and be rebuffed every time or made to feel ashamed for having an emotion or a need. The brain stores the memories differently or blocks them out to protect the child.

The problem with recognizing abuse is that the child may have a lot of past experiences of emotional neglect but have no memories of them, or have memories of them, but from an emotionally-detached perspective because the brain records it differently.

And, then, the other memories are of the few times when parents were around, so looking back, an emotionally-neglected child can have more conscious memories of “good times” supposedly proving they had good, or at least well-intentioned, parents, little to no memories of being emotionally neglected, and memories of being neglected but stored logically (detached from the emotions that originally arose). All of that makes it much easier for an adult of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) to not realize it.

What Didn’t Happen But Should Have

The major reason I did not understand this was because the trauma that I am discussing is from what did NOT happen to me that should have. Without enough visual, physical, or verbal abuse, I could not see (comprehend) that trauma happened.

If I had been physically abused, it would be easy to say, “Of course I’m traumatized because I got hit a lot.” If I had my physical needs neglected, such as parents not feeding me or keeping a stable roof over my head, I could easily see neglect (of that sort) would traumatize me. If I had been yelled at daily, of course I would see that it would affect me. All of these things are very visible and you can see clearly they should not happen in a loving family.

But, if something does not happen that should have, it’s invisible (especially to a child who knows no differently) and goes undetected and could even be mocked by others who don’t understand how much of an effect a neglect in that area could have. Mocking someone who has been physically abused would seem cruel, but mocking someone who had been emotionally neglected could be seen as “not a big deal.” If you told someone, “My parents didn’t care if I came or went,” people with overly-strict parents might wish they had those parents and minimize the damage it would cause.

The book by Jonice Webb, PhD (and Tim Fletcher in videos) describes how being spoiled and/or left alone to do whatever you want negatively impacts you. Having a “Permissive Parent” is one of the 12 ways to wind up empty according to the book. And, that happened with me as well. It can lead you to feeling as if you’re not worth being parented and leads to not being able to evaluate your strengths or weaknesses and not working on yourself to live up to higher standards, which can make it difficult to finish tasks when you grow to be an adult.

If your parent didn’t require you to learn how to emotionally deal with things you don’t want to do, when you get bored as an adult, it can make it more difficult to require yourself to do things when the tough gets boring. I do have a major problem with starting things and not finishing them.4 There are many more examples. I love that the book gets into those because seeing how the neglect turns into negative coping signs was a huge deal for me. It was the missing piece for me to accept that the neglect did have a big impact.

The Perfect Storm

With my dad living in another house as I grew up, and my mother working, I was raised in a diverse environment in some senses. One way in which is was not diverse was gender. I was raised by women.

I’m going to write about the book’s “Twelve Ways to End Up Empty” from my personal perspective. Obviously, I recommend the book and Tim Fletcher’s videos on Emotional Neglect.

1: The Narcissistic Parent

Narcissists want to look good, no matter the cost. I have written about how they don’t feel like they measure up and have an insatiable desire for narcissistic supply. This is why they have a preoccupation with looking good; it’s to hide their “Fatal flaw” that supposedly made them unlovable5.

Here is a quote from Running on Empty, “Narcissistic parents don’t really recognize their children as people separate from them. Instead, they see their children as little extensions of themselves. The needs of the child are defined by the needs of the parent, and the child who tries to express his needs is often accused of being selfish or inconsiderate.”

I have many memories in my childhood about Christmas gifts. I even wrote in school about one Christmas gift incident, concerning which the teacher pulled me aside and said it was very interesting, as she hadn’t considered what that would feel like to a child. The theme between that and the next memory is that my emotional need in the moment was overlooked so that my parents could look good in front of others.

The Doll Gift

You may want to dismiss this. And, that’s really what I did to myself for years. But, I believe there was a correct way to handle this and an incorrect way to handle this, and they handled it very incorrectly.

I was given a doll by someone, I think it was a friend of the family. I opened it, was disappointed, and I think I was going to move on to opening another present without saying anything when I was told to say, “Thank you.” I know that seems like a reasonable thing to ask your child to do in that situation. It was also asking me to lie. Would you want a lie told to you? What about the Golden Rule?

Lying about Gratitude

To say, “Thank you,” by definition is to express gratitude for a gift. I had zero gratitude. The reason for that was because I did not like dolls. I have a feeling I did not like dolls at this point, because I did not like babies, because I felt babies were too emotional and weak (they showed too much feeling, the sort of thing I was rejected for and thus rejected in myself). But that’s not the point here.

The point here is that I did not like dolls. I had no desire for a doll. It was a stupid, thoughtless “gift,” that proved to me that this person does not know who I am authentically and did not take any time to learn who I was and certainly did not deserve thanks. [Thinking back, it could be that he may have asked my dad (who was away a lot) what I might want, or if I would like it, and maybe it was my dad who did not know my wants or desires. I don’t believe this is a case, because I think it was a friend of my mom’s not my dad’s. But I’ll leave the possibility open.]

Yes, I still highly judge people about whether or not they deserve thanks by if they spend any time thinking about the gift receiver’s wants and desires. What on earth is the point of giving a gift that will be thrown away? I would much rather not receive a gift from someone than receive a thoughtless gift.

And, I highly judge that because I have an unmet need to be seen authentically and to have my desires taken into mind. This was not the only time it happened. It was chronic. Which is why I am learning and accepting that this is Complex Trauma, not just PTSD, but CPTSD. The real authentic me was rejected, so people never got to know the real me and that was a vicious circle. I’m still attracting people who do not get to know me authentically. But, thankfully, I am getting better with this as I get to know myself more in-depth.

I am understanding about how a parent could ask a child to say, “Thanks” to smooth things over in a party and then discuss LATER the fact that they were asking me to lie to others in order to not look like assholes. That would have been honest of them.

What I would have hoped for would be for my parents to care that I did not want to lie and to care that I was not being seen authentically and to care about my emotional needs. If they could have expressed that they saw it was difficult for me and that they would try to make sure I had those needs met in other ways, the memory that I would have kept would have been that talk between my parents and I, not the requirement to say, “Thanks”.

Instead, their lack of care compounded the issue. Not only had this person not seen me and cared about my desires, but my parents didn’t either. I learned from this incident and many more that it doesn’t matter how I feel I just need to forget my feelings and lie so we look like good moral people… oh, lying to look moral. Nice! /sarc

So, I did learn over many incidents that my needs and feelings were inconsiderate and it mattered more to make my parents look good than to get my needs met. I don’t think of my mother or father as narcissistic, but I can see how they both cared more about me looking good than actually feeling good. I definitely felt like they both saw me as extensions of themselves, rather than a separate individual person.

Narcissism ✓

2: The Authoritarian Parent

I do not believe either of my parents were authoritarian. However, I had a strict Scottish grandmother who was. She threatened spankings and putting soap in mouths. She would roll up newspaper or magazines and swat dog’s bottoms. I think that stuff happened with my brother, but he was the one who would act out. I had already learned to “behave,” when my memories start.

She would say to her cats later in life, “That’s not lady-like,” if they were laying sprawled out on the floor showing their “privates” to the world. She also called me, “little lady,” when I was younger, and I can hear it in a threatening tone. It was used to remind me that I was supposed to be a young or little lady, but wasn’t being one just then… So I assume that my emotions like anger, probably got the response, “That’s not lady-like” from her. I was shamed for having feelings of anger, so I repressed them.

Later in my young teens, after moving away from where my grandmother lived, my mother had a “friend” watch us. She was just as authoritarian, or worse than my grandmother. She was verbally abusive. She would say I had no common sense. I walked around on egg shells. I learned that no matter how much I could try to predict what would set her off, I could not always do it.

I had a lot of good analytical skills and I’ve got a good IQ (I’m in the 115-130 range). I can predict things well. But I have learned some people just want to be angry and will use anything as justification. But I did NOT know that as a child. I blamed myself. There was one incident that I thought through completely and did my best, but she still got angry, and I realized that I could not stop the anger… but still blamed myself for not thinking of a solution, rather than realizing the whole situation was wrong in the first place.

Authoritarians ✓

3: The Permissive Parent

When I was younger, my mother couldn’t watch us while working and my grandmother did, but she wasn’t around all the time. My brother attacked me (acting out because he grew up in the same environment I did, just reacted differently). The other authoritarian “friend” was not around all the time either. When we were young teens we could be left home alone. My brother and I grew up “feral” in a way.

One example in the book about permissiveness was a child asking to not go to school and the parent saying, “Sure, no problem.” I did that with my mother. Although the example in the book was about a child running away from tests, I was a perfectionist and would only take off if I knew it would not be a test day. It had to be something I could miss without issues.

A quote from the book, “Another pitfall of having permissive parents: the child doesn’t get enough feedback from her parents. She is left to figure out for herself what she can expect from herself: what she’s good at, what her weaknesses are, what she should strive for.”

I was told that I was smart. But, as I mentioned before, I was told that I had no common sense. It was said that I was well-behaved, but that was because I was always people-pleasing (fawning) to avoid danger.

I wanted to learn more about psychology and be a psychologist (another sign of emotional neglect), but in an interview with one (for my High School psych class report), I was told because I was an introvert I would not make a good psychologist. I know as an adult that’s not true, but it was very much the reason why I stopped striving towards that goal. Not having any mirroring about your weaknesses (to know what to work on and to learn how to work on them) can lead to not knowing what you want to do. This all can lead to “Unrealistic Self-Appraisal.” From the book:

Signs and Signals of Unrealistic Self-Appraisal

• it’s hard to identify your talents

• you sense that you may tend to over-emphasize your weaknesses

• it’s hard to say what you like and dislike

• you’re not sure what your interests are you

• give up quickly when things get challenging

• you chose the wrong career or changed several times

• you often feel like a “square peg in a round hole, ” a misfit

• you’re unsure what your parents think (or thought) of you

I feel that way a lot. And I still get shocked when I hear my dad talk about what he thinks of me in the random moments he does talk about it. A lot of parents can focus on not building up a child (concerning their strengths) so they don’t get conceited, and then focus solely on issues that need improvement, which leads to a child over-emphasizing weaknesses and having no idea what their strengths are.

Your parents are supposed to be mirroring back to you an accurate reflection. But in these cases an emotionally-neglected child is looking into a distorted (fun-house-like) mirror with their parent’s reactions. This makes it so that when you hear an accurate reflection (someone praising your talents), you think that there is something wrong with that person. You don’t consider that you grew up in a “funhouse”.

Permissiveness ✓

4: The Bereaved Parent: Divorced or Widowed

My mother got divorced from my father. My dad remarried pretty quickly afterward and had another family, but my mother never got into another relationship (that I was aware of anyway). I do believe my mother was bereaved about that. I recall her singing well the song, “Love, or Let Me Be Lonely.”

After reading and listening to videos, I think that there is a chance she was bereaved about the miscarriage before having me. One video in particular said that if a parent loses a child, and that parent does not know how to grieve, he or she can lock the heart down, get cold and distant, and not want to be emotionally attached to other children again… to protect from the emotional loss of another death. My mother told me she prayed for me to be healthy because the first daughter died (miscarriage). It is possible that she was afraid of becoming emotionally attached to me out of fear of loss again.

My mother was very close with her sister growing up. They had the same taste in music. When I went through the vinyl records it was not uncommon to see the same record twice, one with her initials and one with my aunt’s initials. When I was not yet a teenager, my aunt died. My mother likely took it very hard. As a child, I did not have that perspective to pay attention to see that. But I think that’s the case.

I’ve listed a potential of three ways in which my mother could have been bereaved. A parent overwhelmed with grief cannot be there emotionally for their children. Parents can grieve healthily. But I don’t believe my mother did.

Bereaved Parent ✓

5: The Addicted Parent

My mother did smoke pot. I’m sure plenty of pot smokers will say that’s not that bad. I’m not going to say it was the most important thing here, but she did smoke while driving the car. She would take a hit at a stop light, bending down to do so out of the sight of the windows.

I recall a time when I was left alone in a running car at night in an unknown neighborhood, listening to music on the radio, for what may have been an hour or more. I lost track - it never occurred to me that we would be there longer than 2 or 3 songs. She was inside the house. I have no idea what she was doing. But it was neglect. And now, I wonder if she didn’t go to pick up drugs, start talking or doing them, and forgetting I was in the car. Maybe she remembered but lost track of time. Who knows?

She would also play video games when home, rather than eating dinner around a table with the family. We were around together at times, but not actually present, ya know?

I know that she went to the casino in the middle of the night while my brother and I were left home alone as well. Is that a gambling addiction? We were teens probably able to handle ourselves fine if something happened. But is that healthy? I don’t think so. I don’t know that it was about the gambling so much as getting away from us to relax from the pressure of being responsible for us.

My dad drank a lot. I have no idea if it was an addiction. I never noticed him acting differently from it. Just noting it happened. There was always alcohol around regardless of what house I went to.

Addicted Parent ✓

6: The Depressed Parent

My mother told me when I was around 20 years old that she was “tired” and just wanted to go home (meaning heaven). I know when she was diagnosed with cancer she was also on anti-depressants in the end. My guess is this goes along with the bereavement.

Depressed Parent ✓

7: The Workaholic Parent

My father being out of town on business from Monday to Friday sure counts. But even when he was around he is always doing something. He cannot just relax for too long, no matter what it does to his health.

In my early teens my brother, mother, and I lived in an apartment, with not enough rooms for all of us. She moved into a town home, but got another job to help pay for it. To me, I felt like she got the other job to get away from us more. I kept thinking we could be in an apartment (albeit one with another room), for cheaper than the townhome, and she wouldn’t have to be working so much. I know she can say she that to give us a better life, but was it really better if it didn’t include her?

Workaholic Parent(s) ✓

8: The Parent with a Special Needs Family Member

I won’t call my brother “special needs.” He acted out because we grew up in this family dynamic. But because of his acting out they spent time taking him to therapists to figure out what they could do. He was diagnosed with ADD (which can be a symptom of trauma and I probably have a bit of that myself). The reason why this is on the list is because when one child needs to be focused on, the parents often minimize the needs of the other children. So mine were likely minimized (she is not acting out, so she’s “fine”).

Minimization of my needs because others’ trump it ✓

9: The Achievement/Perfection Focused Parent

My mother was not perfection-oriented. But my dad focused on it. When I brought home a report card with all As and one B, I was not praised for the As, I was asked, “Why didn’t you get an A?” in that B class. I am now a perfectionist myself.

Perfection-Focused Parent ✓

Subscribe now

10: The Sociopathic Parent

This is the one I don’t believe really applies to me. If it does, it’s the “care-taker” “friend” of the family whom I could never please. But, she apologized later, so I don’t really think this one applies for me as sociopaths don’t apologize unless it’s a manipulation tactic.

11: The Child as Parent

This is about parentification. I was parentified. As my mother would go out to the casino in the middle of the night, I was the one waking up early so that I could get ready and make sure my mother and brother were awake so we could get to school on time. My mother didn’t care that I was now parenting her in the morning. That didn’t seem to make her want to stop spending her night at the casino. At least from what I saw/experienced.

The Child as Parent ✓

12: The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected Themselves Parent

I highly doubt my parents were anything but well-meaning. My mother told me she prayed for me. She was happy with me and decided to get pregnant again and have my brother. They intended to have a family. It was not an accident. My dad still cares for me. I just spoke with him this morning. I know he means well.

I am sure they tried to do their best, the way they knew how to. I don’t know that I would count this as a separate number as it is in the book. But maybe it’s the catch all for the other parents who didn’t fit the mold of the previous 11.

Well-Meaning Parents ✓

Conclusion

I’m not sure how many children can say they grew up with authoritarians and permissive parents. Maybe some children get that with a submissive mother and authoritarian father, but if that is the case, usually the mother would defer to the father’s rules even in his absence. In my childhood my environment was drastically different depending on who was in the house (or apartment) when I got home, or who was walking in unexpectedly. And, although my father’s household may have been more stable, it wasn’t where I felt comfortable because I spent most of my time elsewhere and couldn’t bring all my belongings with me.

This is why it’s a perfect storm. I didn’t just get one situation that could cause emotional neglect. I got almost all these situations that can cause it, and it messed me up royally.

The book is great going through examples of clients and how the childhood experience manifested for them in adulthood. I love seeing how that happens. After checking off so many of them, and way too many of the signs of an emotionally-neglected child, I basically have no way to refute that this happened to me.

With the cognitive dissonance of seeing my parent’s well-meaning intentions (and what went well) but feeling as if something was off, I thought the something-off-part was me… I blamed myself. But after looking into this, I can have no more doubts that the way my parents emotionally neglected me affected me way more than I ever thought possible. It’s great to put words to it. But it’s also maddening.

I felt a lot of pent up anger and I’m more likely to cry. I’m emotionally raw right now. And, I can see that they were likely well-meaning and had no idea what to do. The anger is free-floating. Usually I’m angry at myself, then it’s them, but maybe it’s at those who made them that way as well. I have a difficult time just being angry at a person, and rather just feel overwhelming anger that has no where to go. I guess I attempted to transmute the energy into this piece of writing for now.

I am sorry I haven’t been able to write more frequently. It’s busy at work. Christmas Eve was the busiest of times (working at a church). Lent/Easter will probably be a bit busy as well. But I’ve also felt a bit like an imposter. How do I write about how to feel better emotionally when I’m falling apart? (That’s one of the signs of emotional neglect as well).

I know that what I wrote here will be interpreted many different ways. Some will want to complain (because some people like to be angry no matter why). But I also realize some people will find help with it. I don’t have to be perfect to be helpful. I’m attempting to learn that as well.

Merry Christmas and happy new year, all.

Knowledge is power, and I hope you’re filled with it and I hope I helped a little.

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

Although I often reference the Greek word (used in the book of Revelation1 of the bible) for sorcery is pharmakeia, I don’t turn all pharma products into a persecutor. Sometimes you just need a little help. I view pharma products as good and bad and it depends on the dosage. But other people view them as saintly (pharma could have no problems whatsoever) or as the devil (never trust pharma and always suffer if you can’t find a better alternative).

I’ve been meaning to write this article for a long time but a few other things have come up and so now it seems like the perfect time.

First, this might be a fake rage-bait story, but supposedly a pregnant woman took an overdose of Tylenol because Trump warned pregnant women to not take it while pregnant unless absolutely necessary. I would not share that story as if it is absolutely true, but it proves my point. The story has been shared because it’s believable today due to some people thinking there’s nothing wrong with pharmaceutical products if they’re approved. It’s like they’re actually blind to side effects being an issue.

One-Dimensional Thinkers

I’ve discussed this before, but people in the drama triangle have the cognitive distortion of black-or-white thinking (aka splitting). People have TDS see Trump as “all bad” which means everything he is for, they’re against, and vice versa. So if Trump is against Tylenol for pregnant ladies, and these people are anti-Trump, they’re pro-Tylenol.

When I wrote about the “long cough” I had a comment from someone who thought my use of pharmaceutical products was going to make things worse rather than better. She believed that pharmaceuticals were all evil and you should never resort to using them. However in my case, it was the best thing I could do. It allowed my body the ability to repair itself so that I could get back to work, get paid, and not starve.

It’s Not All Bad…or all Good.

Pharmaceuticals are not all evil or all good. There is nuance and the dose matters. I am very wary of pharmaceuticals, and I don’t take more than I feel is needed, but I won’t allow myself to suffer if they’re going to help. Now that I know that I have hypopnea, I am using a CPAP as well, which leads us to the next part of the article…

Medical Folks — Condescending AF

I live in a small town, and I see a local Physician Assistant (PA) who can prescribe drugs (and a CPAP script). He’s been great, doing everything to help me figure out what will work for me. When I realized I could use an SD card in the machine and track my stats, I asked him if I could play with the settings on the CPAP and he said sure. So I did.

They started me on a pressure prescription of 4 to 20 cmH₂O. I found out that when my CPAP regularly puts out pressure above 7 it wakes me up. Here is one of my most recent nights with the too big (up to 20) range. At about 4:12 am it hit almost 8 and I woke up and took the mask off because of the annoyance. I wanted more sleep because I’m always exhausted. So I fell asleep without the mask that morning.

When the max was 7, my AHI was still below 5 which is considered normal (not apnea/hypopnea). It was actually really close to 1/hr. which is low. I used the mask for over nine hours that night. (Daily Usage is in pink on the middle right of these pictures)

So in the range that I have spent plenty of time and effort figuring out (4 to 7), I use my CPAP more often (than when the range is up to 20) and still get a good AHI for the whole night.

A couple of days ago I got a call from the people who I am rent-to-owning the CPAP machine and she told me that I can’t play around with the prescription (pressure range). They can see that I edited it. They won’t allow it. I need a prescription for that if I want it changed.

I told her, “I wake up if it goes above 7,” while she was trying to say, “It’s supposed to do that.” I asked, “It’s supposed to wake me up?” She said, “The pressure goes up if they detect that you are not breathing well enough.” So I said, “But it’s waking me up. What good is that?”

The Dose is Wrong

I understand why the pressure is going up. I think it’s going up too much unnecessarily. If it works at a lower pressure, like a constant 7, and it has been working well enough, then why do I need to let it go so high that it wakes me up and I stop using it? Because I will stop using it if it wakes me up. I’ll just go back to sleep without it on for a few more hours. And if I was in a different situation and couldn’t get a new prescription, I might just stop using it altogether.

If I didn’t get this machine through my insurance, and I just bought it from some website or second-hand marketplace, I could change the pressure range with no issues whatsoever. But, because insurance is paying for it, now I have to try to get my PA to change the prescription, because no matter what I do to this machine at my house, they keep turning it back to the prescription they want me on from their location.

Now, I’m willing to do the work that I need to do to fix this, even if it came to having to buy my own machine. But it’s beyond frustrating. And a large portion of it is because these people think they know better than I do what works and what doesn’t. People in the medical field, especially larger companies / cities tend to fit themselves into the “savior” mode of the Drama Triangle and they look at their patients as idiots (“victims”).

I do understand that they may be concerned about me changing the prescription and having something happen to me while on their machine (they don’t want to get sued). I have mild hypopnea when untreated. It’s not happening. I haven’t had an AHI over 5 (which is the threshold for getting called “mild” from normal) since I’ve been using the machine for the past month.

I hate that I have to deal with this crap when I’m an intelligent person way more concerned with my well-being than they are. They seemingly couldn’t care less if it wakes me up multiple times at night if it covers their ass.

This won’t last forever. But, yeah, if people in the medical community ever want to improve their reputation it’s going to have to come with a little humility.

They’re far too prideful right now.

EDIT 9/26/25

Last night I had an AHI of 0! But, then, why was the CPAP going crazy with pressure up to almost 9 waking me up at 2 am? I am okay with a small reasonable amount of AHI if I can sleep through the night.

Share

Leave a comment

But, in a split second I was no longer playing “Child” to my father’s “Parent” position. I was playing caretaker (“Parent”) to my father who was, at that moment, unable to take care of himself.

Relationship Transactions Analysis

Karpman’s Drama Triangle is based off of Eric Berne’s transactional analysis work. Eric Berne wrote the book Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships1. In it he wrote:

“The unit of social intercourse is called a transaction. If two or more people encounter each other in a social aggregation, sooner or later one of them will speak, or give some other indication of acknowledging the presence of the others. This is called the transactional stimulus. Another person will then say or do something which is in some way related to this stimulus, and that is called the transactional response. Simple transactional analysis is concerned with diagnosing which ego state implemented the transactional stimulus, and which one executed the transactional response.”

When you interact with other people you can be coming from a parental ego state, adult ego state, or a child ego state.

Complementary Transactions

If you and another person are complementing each other, playing parent to their child or vice versa, or interacting on the same level, then you won’t run into a problem with that other person. Because my father recognized that he needed help and was okay with being taken care of (for the most part2) he let me (and then the paramedics) take charge so it went smoothly.

But, if my father had not recognized that an issue occurred and did not want to be put into a situation where he was receiving help, he could have become upset that I (and mostly the paramedics/hospital workers) were attempting to take care of him. People get upset when you treat them as if they are one thing (Parent/Adult/Child) but they feel as if they are not in that moment. When these interaction lines cross, you get problems with your social interactions.

Crossed Transactions

Eric Berne writes (and references Figure 3 above):

“The converse rule is that communication is broken off when a crossed transaction occurs. The most common crossed transaction, and the one which causes and always has caused most of the social difficulties in the world, whether in marriage, love, friendship, or work, is represented in Figure 3A as Crossed Transaction Type I.

This type of transaction is the principal concern of psychotherapists and is typified by the classical transference reaction of psychoanalysis. The stimulus is Adult-Adult: e.g., “Maybe we should find out why you've been drinking more lately,” or, “Do you know where my cuff links are?”

The appropriate Adult-Adult response in each case would be: “Maybe we should. I'd certainly like to know!” or, “On the desk.” If the respondent flares up, however, the responses will be something like “You’re always criticizing me, just like my father did,” or, “You always blame me for everything.”

These are both Child-Parent responses, and as the transactional diagram shows, the vectors cross. In such cases the Adult problems about drinking or cuff links must be suspended until the vectors can be realigned. This may take anywhere from several months in the drinking example to a few seconds in the case of cuff links.

Either the agent must become Parental as a complement to the respondent's suddenly activated Child3, or the respondent's Adult must be reactivated as a complement to the agent's Adult. If the maid rebels during a discussion of dishwashing, the Adult-Adult conversation about dishes is finished; there can only ensue either a Child-Parent discourse, or a discussion of a different Adult subject, namely her continued employment.

Society’s Crossed Transactions

I don’t have the energy at this moment to get into social media and this plays a part, but I will quickly mention that we have supposed adults getting triggered into the Child ego state and acting like entitled brats and also people getting triggered into the “Parent” ego state where they see you as a Child who needs rescuing. When Berne writes that in order to realign the vectors you need to become complementary again, that may suggest that people who want to act like Adults will need to stop and switch to take on the role of Parent4 to complement someone’s activated Child role. (Or, if someone is trying to be a Parent to you, you need to get them back into an Adult ego state.)

This means people need to stop acting like adults trying to have adult conversations with other adults who insist like acting like children. We’re not getting anywhere with our interactions because of that. No one wants to look like the bad guy trying to parent other people who should already be emotional adults because they’re old enough by now. I’m writing this in hopes that it will help you to fill in the gaps with your interactions with others and see why they go crossed.

When Interactions Shift to the Drama Triangle

When interactions are complementary we don’t see an issue. You won’t usually get upset that someone is treating you like a child if you feel like one, and if you want/need help and some one treats you like a child to help you, you’d be thankful. And if you are having an adult conversation with another person who sees you as an adult, there are no issues.

But when things have gone crossed, these roles can turn into the Drama Triangle roles of Savior/Rescuer, Persecutor, and Victim. Someone who gets triggered into a Child ego state can feel like a Victim of some Persecutor. In the “Victim” state they see the “Persecutor” as higher than themselves, as having more power than they do. That’s why they long for a “Savior” to come in (also seen as having more power than the “Victim”).

The only way not to get sucked into the Drama Triangle is take personal responsibility, that aligns with the Adult ego state. Outside of the Drama Triangle, you would be acting like an Adult to other adults, but they may be triggered into acting like the Child or Parent ego state. In the Parent ego state they may try to baby you, which is why we have so much governmental overreach (especially to do with COVID).

If you’re interested in this I would highly recommend his book. I especially love that he can categorize interactions in this way and then later in the book describes the interactions (game play) that will occur. If you missed it, I wrote about the game “Now I've Got You, You Son of a Bitch.”

The relationship diagram in Figure 4, showing the nine possible vectors of social action between an agent and a respondent, has some interesting geometrical (topological) qualities. Complementary transactions between “psychological equals’* are represented by (1—I)², (5—5)² and (9—9)². There are three other complementary transactions: (2—4) (4-2), (3-7) (7-3) and (6-8) (8-6). All other combinations form crossed transactions, and in most cases these show up as crossings in the diagram: e.g., (3—7) (3—7), which results in two speechless people glaring at each other. If neither of them gives way, communication is finished and they must part. The most common solutions are for one to yield and take (7—3), which results in a game of “Uproar”; or better, (5—5)², in which case they both burst out laughing or shake hands.

-Games People Play by Eric Berne

Subscribe now

Epilogue

My father passed his cognition test. He’s now in rehab, receiving help with his walking. I appreciate any prayers for him, but I am becoming less worried as the days go by. But, something he said in the hospital stuck out to me, and I’ve been thinking about what other people said to me as well.

Am I a Savior?

My brother said I saved his life. He was looking at me like a “savior” and I didn’t know what to do with that. I kept thinking that anyone in my situation would have called for help when they realized help was needed. I thought, “No one but a psychopath would have left him sitting in a chair in that state. I did what anyone would do.”

Someone commented to me last week that other people may have gone along with not calling for an ambulance when their father protested. My dad did very little protesting, but it is true that if I had still viewed him as an Adult to my Child, then I would have just done what he told me to do. He wanted me to try to get him into bed, which if possible could have led down a dark path.

A Mirror to My Past / Parentification

When I was a young adult in college, I was not emotionally an adult. I didn’t feel raised to be an adult. My brother and I refer to ourselves as feral. We had to learn things on our own, the hard way. But when interacting with my parents I was still firmly in the Child ego state in my 20s. It would have been nice to have parents raise me to be in the Adult ego state in my 20s but that didn’t happen.

And, in my 20s my mother was dying of cancer. My family used me at this point, parentifying me. My mother had a friend who was married in Florida who offered to take care of her in her last days with lung cancer. The air was better for her there. But she didn’t die right away and they wanted to have a vacation. My father got me a plane ticket and I was supposed to watch my mother since no one else in the family could be there to take care of her while they vacationed. I was just a body to them, to be the one in the house while she was alone otherwise.

My mother, out of her mind because she was dying, told me to go buy cigarettes for her. I did something stupid and listened to her because I saw her as my Parent and me in the Child ego state was obedient. I eventually was pulled over and had to explain why I was driving a vehicle that wasn’t mine without a license.

I know I should have said “no,” but at that time in my life, it felt wrong to say “no” to my parent. I wasn’t taught to enforce boundaries and it’s so much worse when only a couple of years ago we were in that relationship of Parent-Child. I know how easy it is to get caught up in a relationship transaction like that. She expected me to be her Child and do what she said. Just like the government expects us to be its children and just do what they say5. But now, I know how much I have changed. Because I am learning to enforce boundaries and say, “No,” when the situation calls for it.

Last week, in the hospital, when my father said, “Barbara had to do some very adult things,” I responded, “I AM an adult.” And he said, yes, he forgets that sometimes. I thought, “I know, but I’m glad for the confirmation.” And, I’ve thought about why it bugged me, and I think the reason is that 20+ years ago I was barely legally an adult, and he put into a similar position where I had to be playing the role of Parent to my mother. She could have had a stroke, I may have had to call an ambulance, or what? Would he have expected me to just let her die in front of me? He put me into a situation (that he now describes as “very adult”) 20+ years ago. He said, “adult” but what he meant, if he knew anything about Berne’s work, was “Parent.”

Part of the problem is that I never had children. I am sure if I had had a decade or more of raising children, he would have gradually grown into seeing me as an adult who could enter the Parent ego state when I needed to. But we never got that.

I didn’t bring the past up with him. I don’t know that it’s worth rehashing in the future with him. But it’s certainly not the time now. But I wanted to explain here, with real-world examples, how this works. This relationship transaction pattern has been on my mind and I felt like it was worth an explanatory article.

Real World Impact

People had moments in their life when they were younger that get triggered now in their present, and they’re not consciously aware that they’re acting out of the Child ego state when they do it. And how you start a conversation (stimulate the other) can trigger these responses in others.

My mother telling me what to do, stimulated me to act like a Child. If she had said, “I would love to have some cigarettes, would you drive to get some,” treating me like an Adult, I could have had an Adult conversation and said “No, that’s not a good idea,” and listed all the reasons if need be. I know it was the cancer. I’m not angry. My point is to illustrate that how you talk to others can draw forth a response from them if they’re not conscious of what is going on. And most people are not conscious of these relationship transaction patterns. And, I really wish that someone had given me a “heads up” and had a conversation with me about how my relationship with my mother was going to change from her being the caregiver to me being the caregiver before I was placed into that situation. It would have been much easier to say, “No,” to her when I needed to.

Games People Play is such a useful book if you want to understand these interactions and why they go the way they do. And, remember, telling someone else that they’re doing these things won’t help them or you. That’s a Rescuer move. The point in understanding this isn’t to make other people change. It’s to change how you interact with other people.

If you act like a parent, attempting to “rescue” someone, then you may trigger a response in them where they may view you as a “persecutor” “parent” figure and turn into a whiny brat, or they may view you as a helpful parent, but decide all responsibility is on you, not them.

We have to be mindful of how we are stimulating others and try to interact with adults as adults. And, yes, we may have to act like Parents to people who act like a Child. But, let’s be mindful about this.

Subscribe now

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

Read more

EZRA: You (referring to ) had another line that I thought was very perceptive. You said: Typically, events create narratives. But during the Trump presidency, narratives create events.

Talk me through that.

Kyla: I think it’s all kayfabe to a certain extent.

What is “kayfabe”?

It’s theatrics — “The show must go on” type of thing in W.W.E.

There’s this great essay by Roland Barthes that I always talk about called “The World of Wrestling.” He talks about how they’re always in character and doing stunts and performances. And it’s just always a show.

Elements of politics increasingly resemble wrestling — this theatrical pursuit of justice and truth. You can align it with the way wrestling always has a heel — there’s always a bad guy to defeat. Once you’ve defeated the bad guy, you did a great job and it’s on to the next opponent.

Which is kind of how Trump moves throughout his presidency. He got bored of the war, essentially.

I think this is one of those really interesting things — we get a spectacle, and then we just move on, because the policy never had a strategy.

So did we destroy Iran’s nuclear program? It felt like there was a three- or four-day news cycle here: We bombed Iran. Then there was an intelligence leak that we only set it back by a few months. Then the Trump administration yelled about the leak. And then we just moved on to debating the “big, beautiful bill.”

It’s not that past policy efforts didn’t create spectacles — they did. But the spectacles were yoked to some kind of strategy and end goal.

The tariffs have had this feeling, too. What is our tariff policy at this point and what is it trying to achieve? Does anybody actually know? Could anybody give me an account of our global tariffs and where they think they’re going to be in 30, 60 or 90 days?

There’s something about the way things rise and fall now that genuinely feels different. Even after the big story line has played out, the moment is gone — even if the policy has not been decided or the goal has not been reached. The decay rate has really accelerated.

Yeah, it kind of feels like Trump has ADD, but that’s to be expected with someone in the presidency. It was a good podcast episode. There were plenty of things to think about. I particularly enjoyed that section due to the Drama talk. I’m just going to write about why Trump seems to take on that savior role, moving through “persecutors” and on to the next though.

To some extent I think all of politics can be seen through a Drama Triangle lens. The whole point of Government is to “save” the people from having to worry about things (who will make the roads? who will defend us so we don’t die in a war thrust upon us? who will take care of the starving orphans and widows? etc.). People created the government to take on those responsibilities that they didn’t want to take care of themselves, individually. Of course, in the beginning the worries were different such as “who will make sure no one ever tramples the people’s unalienable rights to free speech and protection again?”, etc.

People love to blame Trump for why it has seemingly grown more kayfabe-like. But I think it’s something else. When I was listening to the podcast, I was thinking about how Trump really thinks he’s saving our nation. I don’t actually doubt that he thinks he’s doing something really beneficial for the United States. But the reason isn’t because he’s arrogant. It’s because, in part, it’s true. Don’t mistake me there, I’ve gotten plenty of annoyances and frustrations with him that are seemingly increasing exponentially since he got into office this year, which I could list but we’d go off topic. Regardless of all those critiques, I still thank God that we do not have Kamala at the wheel.

So, first he’s feeling like a savior type because in reality he is doing the things we need done, while making some mistakes along the way. No one is perfect. But, secondly, he also has a bunch of people who felt like victims telling him that he is their savior in a sense. Most people will not say the actual words, “You’re really saving this nation, Trump,” but with what they do say to him (or in the polls), they’re fueling his belief. If he was doing exactly what he is doing right now, but no one approved of it, and he found polls dropping and people he met in his own party chastising him, he would not be able to (as easily) believe that he is their savior.

You influence others by your stance

So, if you were to meet Trump in person and you have been feeling like a victim and see Trump as your savior, you are fueling that savior-like belief in him. We cannot make other people do or think things, or not do / think things. But there are nudges we can make by our “vibe.” If you, instead, met Trump and saw him as a person, just like you, with pros and cons, and thanked him for the good things and critiqued him on the incorrect things, calling them mistakes, etc. (no yelling), you might temper how he sees himself in the moment.

This isn’t about Trump. In your own life, you do this with your relatives, co-workers, and romantic partners. You want to see people as on your level, not a savior above you, or a victim below you. You want to see their pros and cons, so you’re not seeing them as an evil persecutor either.

People Wear Many Hats & Switch Roles Quickly

I bolded and italicized the “in the moment,” part above because I wanted to come back to that. People who see things through a Drama Triangle perspective all of the time, switch between the 3 roles (persecutor, victim, savior/rescuer) quickly. Besides feeling like a “savior” around those who agree with him, he also spends time feeling persecuted due to the assassination attempt, excess court cases and various other pushback he’s experiencing by people who pretend to think he’s like Hitler. Once again, he’s not wrong. I don’t really see him as a victim in this, because he does bring some of this on himself. He could take more personal responsibility, but that’s also a lot to ask of him, now that he’s president again. That said, in some ways he is being persecuted, literally. I believe no matter what he does people are projecting onto him, scapegoating him, so they do not deal with their own mental illnesses.

It would be very difficult to be in his position at this moment in time and not feel a lot of pressure to do something meaningful, that stands the test of time (so that if we had a Democrat president next everything wouldn’t just reverse). And, since half of the country has been brainwashed to think he’s a maniac destroying the country, he’s going to be faced with these situations all of the time that draw out the “savior” or “victim” stance in him. I don’t know how you would protect yourself from that as a president.

It’s Our Faults, Not His

But I want to reiterate, we the people are the ones doing this. If everyone felt safe and were personally responsible, then people would not be overly praising of him (forgetting his faults because the country “needed saving” so badly), and they would not be persecuting him at all, because they felt safe.

The reason why things are seemingly getting more dramatic is because people feel unsafe. The response to COVID made things exponentially worse. The video below talks about how when people feel unsafe in some unresolved traumatic situation, they can fragment their mental state into parts, such as the vulnerable part and the protector personality1. If you want to feel safe, you will be have to do some emotional work to heal through that situation. It takes personal responsibility to feel that feeling. But most people don’t want to feel that unsafe, so they reject, deny, and disown it. But that makes the protector personalities come out. And one person’s protector is another person’s persecutor.

To some people being forced to wear a mask or get a vaccine made them feel like victims, and others viewed those who refused to wear the masks or get the shot as persecutors (spreading disease). The protector parts in each group are in a struggle. It was not resolved, and that free-floating terror just keeps moving around since most people are refusing to acknowledge that we all have PTSD.

When someone feels vulnerable, the protector personality guards them, and it becomes more difficult to break through that defense to have rational discussions. As Teal says in the video, the more they do this, the more the other side feels vulnerable, and so they go into defensive mode, and there’s this back and forth making each other feel more and more unsafe and getting more and more defensive and antagonistic. And, it’s not just you having a protector part, people don’t feel as if their protector personalities can do enough to protect them, so they elect people in the government to protect them more (take actions like a protector personality would).

I do not believe that Trump is solely responsible for how dramatic everything political is getting. I believe that the government reflects the society. If our society healed, then it would calm down. But, I don’t see that happening any time soon, because it takes difficult shadow work to sit with those scary feelings, and to try to come up with something in your life that you have control over to feel safer. But you can do it for yourself. It will improve your life in the local arena at the very least.

The whole reason I write this Drama of It All Substack is because if people took personal responsibility to heal themselves and improve their local lives, they would not be so keen on forcing others to do (or not do) things to “protect” them.

We are at risk of being hurt, not because we’re not doing enough to protect ourselves, it’s because we’re doing too much of the wrong thing. We look to get some external force (a savior/rescuer) to stop others (persecutors) from hurting us (victims), rather than taking internal actions personally to solve the problem of feeling unsafe.

I wrote more about that in connection with guns in an article about Kyle Rittenhouse and boundaries. A person afraid of guns is much more likely to want to ban them, rather than do the emotional and mental work of accepting guns and learning to be safe in the world regardless if they exist.

Rather than confronting personal fears and rage that reside in their hearts, many people just blame others. They put the responsibility to assuage their fears onto other people. For example, a person afraid of guns gets mad at gun owners rather than take personal responsibility for their fear. Someone who takes personal responsibility for their fear will find a solution, such as therapy or meditation.

We used to have a world where people took more personal responsibility and had an okay government. It wasn’t perfect. I’m not saying we can have a perfect utopia here. But if people en masse started taking personal responsibility for their emotions and healed up, we could calm down. Our government wouldn’t be so crazed.

Subscribe now

Leave a comment

The cover art was found on Pixabay and asks the question, “Do we get the leaders we deserve?” I thought it was apropos for this article, because that is the point. If we behaved better, taking personal stock and no longer scapegoating or projecting our faults outward, we would stop electing people who would take such outrageous actions.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like this one called, “Political Pendulum Issues in the US: Are You Getting Whiplash From the Crazy Political Swings?” It goes along with what Teal said about our protector parts bringing out the protector parts of those on the opposite side of the issue.

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

People want to be able to understand you when you write something they are going to read. Because otherwise, what’s the point? If you write something with bad grammar, you will be misunderstood. If you consistently misspell words, you will be misunderstood. Then you have not conveyed your beliefs or thoughts to the other party. That is a lack of communication which makes me wonder why people even bother trying to communicate in the first place.

I don’t know why… it’s likely because I had more time on my hands with my vacation, but I went to Facebook and saw people complaining that they were not being rated as “insightful” enough. One even asked for advice, and there was misspelling and bad grammar in the request-for-help post.

Now if someone is looking for a savior/rescuer person, I will not bother. But if someone is asking for help, and I think I can add some help, then I will. I took a sentence from the post, quoted it, and explained that this one particular word was misspelled and the sentence was bad grammar and unclear. I gave the instructions that clearly lay out that basic grammar and sentence structure and good spelling matter.

Oh, the drama. I got sarcastic responses, and one going, “Really?” The reason being of course is that these people do not believe that using English grammar and having misspelling matters at all to their “job” performance. Really?

These sorts of people can ask for help, but they do not want to take personal responsibility to do a better “job.” Not, if it involves double-checking their spelling, or re-reading it to make sure adults at all reading levels can understand them. Do people not realize that English As a Second Language (ESL) folks cannot always understand a sentence if you throw grammar and spelling out the window? Do they care about being understood?

But of course they use voice to text, and it’s so hard to go back and edit it if they’re using their phones to do the work instead of a computer. If it’s too hard to do properly, well, it’s the job that should change, not them, right?

How narcissistic do you have to be to think that everyone else should strain to figure out what you meant, instead of bothering to communicate clearly? And for them to think the guidelines are bad and someone pointing out a way to be better is just being petty? I ask myself, “Are these people for real?”

Sometimes I just do the facepalm and wonder how our society got to this point.

But then I remember the Drama Triangle. What’s going on here is someone wants to play victim, acting like they want help, but not really willing to do what it takes to be helped. If you ever try to help someone who doesn’t actually want help, you will likely be turned into a persecutor.

People joined together to triangulate me…painting me as a persecutor… like I’m some grammar Nazi just randomly trolling Facebook looking for people to berate for their lack of grammar. They do not even acknowledge the guidelines that I gave as proof that double-checking spelling and grammar might help. There really was no one who said “thanks,” “that makes sense,” or, “I’ll try that and see.” Instead I see those sorts of people asking, is it this other thing (that’s already been proven not to matter) or is it random?

I am not even going to say I know for sure it’s the grammar and spelling, but my point is these sorts do not want to look at that because they do not want to put in any extra work on that. They’re willing to do extra work, just not that. It’s like fixing grammar and spelling is some sort of kryptonite. If you have any clue as to why, please feel free to add your thoughts.

I wonder if it’s a situation where they have identified as a “bad speller,” or maybe they have made fun of “grammar nazis” in the past and decided they could never be one. You see if you turn a group of people into a “persecutor” role, that makes it impossible to humanize them and to do anything yourself that looks like you are allied with them. If you think people who notice grammar errors are “bad” then you will not notice or care for the errors yourself. I actually think they still care if they see them, but they won’t admit it to others.

It reminds me of an article I read this morning, “No, I'm Not Saying That... on resisting the urge to write like you're stupid” by Holly Mathnerd.

Holly’s Substack

No, I'm Not Saying That...

I’ve been writing on Substack for almost five years now, and there’s a particular kind of response I’ve learned to expect…

Read more

a year ago · 106 likes · 29 comments · Holly MathNerd

I believe that if you say something that reminds a person of a personal failure of theirs, then they will have these tendencies. I noticed it before in a religious context and we called it the Holy Spirit convicting someone then.

In my case, if I say that people should have better grammar and good spelling to be clear so others can understand them well, and the person reading that thinks to herself or himself, “I have bad grammar and misspell a lot,” then the person will get a feeling of conviction. It’s a moment of truth. Now the person has a couple of options.

1. Look at why they feel convicted, and ask themselves if they want to work on their grammar and spelling because this matters. This would be the taking personal responsibility option. Or…

2. Project their problems onto someone else. When people don’t feel like taking personal responsibility, they subconsciously choose to stay in the Drama Triangle, and just label whoever they blame for bringing this funky conviction feeling up as a “persecutor.” They might label the other a “victim” of some sort of weird worldview as well, but usually there’s a level of anger that they want to get out and labeling the other as a persecutor works best.

The anger that they have is misdirected anger. It’s anger at themselves for not living up to their own understanding of what they could do. They know subconsciously that they could work on this issue, and get better at it, but when they’ve decided not to do that then the anger has to be directed at something else, and in this case it’s whoever said something that made them remember their own failings.

In Holly’s case it was about an older article about “talent.” When she says that people can do something about getting better at a skill through work, people get convicted. They might feel angry at themselves for not having taken the time to get better at something. When I see how well she draws, I get angry that I didn’t work more on it when I was younger and felt like I had more time. But at least I’m honest about that (#1 response above).

The people who do not want to take personal responsibility (or they do not want others to take personal responsibility for their lives) are going to look at anyone who mentions the advice of taking time and effort to get better at something as an evil persecutor. They would much rather think of themselves (or others) as victims of not being gifted from birth with a talent. That would put God or the universe or nature in the spot of “persecutor”, by the way. But oftentimes people don’t think that through.

I told her that no matter how clearly you write, those people will still react the same way. They have a desire to misunderstand her because they have no desire to take personal responsibility. With so many people wanting to play victim these days, what’s shocking is that anyone is honest with themselves and doesn’t project onto writers like her. That anyone sees what she is saying and agrees with it is seemingly miraculous these days.

It seems like the majority of people hate hearing that they can get better at something because they just don’t want to do the work involved. It’s so much easier to complain, isn’t it? Personal responsibility is like kryptonite it seems.

But if you ever want to feel powerful and free, then choose #1 personal responsibility.

Leave a comment

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

But I was watching my old Veronica Mars DVDs and saw a scene that made me want to write a bit about it. To set this up, Trina (Alyson Hannigan) was putting makeup over the bruise on her face, and her father Aaron Echolls (Harry Hamlin) asked to have Trina’s boyfriend over to the house under the rouse of actually being interested in playing a part in his new movie.

In the scene, Aaron explains that he is used to abuse from his childhood and wanted to go into protector mode. You can see he felt powerless back then, and has repressed anger that he is just waiting to express… but he has to find the right place to express that anger. Now that he’s bigger than the abuser, he is able to do so.

As I re-watched this scene, I felt a part of myself want someone (or myself) to have protected me the same way he protects his daughter. There is a longing in me to get out this same type of repressed emotion. We all long for the right moment to release built up tension when it’s deemed socially acceptable.

Logan (Aaron’s son seen at the end of the clip) was rushing over to warn his father that Trina’s boyfriend has abused her, and you can see on his face that he has absolutely no disgust with what his father has done (it was socially acceptable). Of course earlier in the season, Logan picked out a belt so his father could beat him after making him spend half a million dollars by lying to the press about a donation… so abuse is what Logan is accustomed to as well.

People who have been abused can identify with the victim and get turned on by or approve of the retribution of the persecutor (Aaron in this case).1 Actually Logan didn’t just approve, he was on a mission to do the same thing. They both wanted to play rescuer.

But the other more mature part of myself realized Aaron is a very wounded man and his actions were not the correct ones to take in this situation. Aaron goes overboard. There’s actually a good scene in the series where Keith Mars (Veronica’s father) helps someone evict a tenant who won’t pay for his rent by acting creepy and crazy, but never with violence and he gets his way. You can enforce boundaries and help a lady victim out without physical violence.

But Aaron overreacts and Logan has that tendency to as well. The show of force, a man willing to engage in physical violence to protect a woman when she’s been abused is a turn on. But it’s too much. This is vicious. The men, both victims at some point in their life to someone stronger than them, turn into persecutors. And the damaged women in their lives - they love it. And the other men who felt like victims, they look up to it.

And the cycle continues, because the men who survive and continue to emulate this type of behavior, end up exploding on their mates as well because emotional regulation was never modeled to them. They don’t know what to do with those emotions like anger and the feeling of powerlessness, besides finally exploding when it’s socially acceptable or at the very least explainable.

People who feel powerless have a feeling that they cannot escape that without getting physical power over another. I’m not just referring to this instance. People who felt powerless to COVID wanted the power to physically cover other people’s mouths and inject them with substances regardless of their personal wishes. And turns out that was socially acceptable by the majority! They get turned on by this show of force and respect it because they felt like victims who were unable to protect themselves at some point in their lives.

The truth is that there are other options to enable a feeling of power, but it’s taking personal responsibility and that includes learning to deal with their emotions in healthy ways. And maybe you realize that, but the thing we usually don’t talk about is that people who have felt this way do get turned on by or look up to a show of force that they felt they didn’t get or were unable to personally provide at a more vulnerable time of their life.

Those people need to learn to take care of their own needs (protect themselves in some healthy way). Until they do that, they will feel like they’re lacking and feel vulnerable and continue to pick mates who make them feel as if they will be protected and it will always be these types of people. A normal healthy response will be seen as too weak when someone feels particularly vulnerable and has a craving to release pent up anger that comes from a place of fear and powerlessness.

It’s best we take personal responsibility and heal those parts of ourselves and I’ll do my part. I am not suggesting my readers all have this issue, but for those who don’t, do some introspection anyway, just in case. AND, this isn’t just about my readers - in reality, this should serve as an explanation for why abused people stay with their abusers. Without the abuser, they may feel more vulnerable in world.

If you see someone who will react to an abusive situation in a healthy way as being weak, and have a desire for someone to release pent up fury to protect you, sometimes you will put up with that person hitting or abusing you (and start a drama triangle of shame within yourself).

You may see the person who is not afraid of physical violence as capable of protecting you when no one else will, and ally with him or her, and blame yourself for why you got abused. Because in that mindset, being without that protector leaves you more vulnerable and you think, “I can fix myself. I don’t have power over the world. It’s safer to stay here.”

If you’re new, see also my “Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch” article. People love what they call “righteous anger” and getting out pent up frustration from a feeling of powerlessness. We have to beware, so we do not become the next persecutor.

Share

Leave a comment

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

I’ve had a few interactions over the last month or so where I was able to read just a couple of sentences of strangers over the ‘net and perceive accurately that these people were falling into that Drama Triangle trap and realized that I use these “hints” as red flags. In these instances, initially the interaction was short, but the responses afterwards clarified that my initial perception was accurate.

Read more

If I’m picking songs apart, I’m doing that because I like the particular song. The song will definitely be on my playlist, which means I’m listening to it which is why my mind is begging me to write about it. I won’t dissect songs I hate and never hear.

Yesterday while cleaning my house, I was listening to and loving the song “You Better You Bet” by The Who.

This is a song about an abusive relationship. Here are a few of the specific lyrics I want to reference:

I don't really mind how much you love me
Ooh, a little is alright
When you say, come over and spend the night
Tonight, tonight

….

[Chorus]
When I say I love you, you say you better
You better, you better you bet
When I say I need you, you say you better
You better, you better you bet

[Post-Chorus]
You better bet your life
Or “love” will cut you, cut you like a knife

….

You better love me, all the time now
You better shove me back into line now
You better love me, all the time now
You better shove me back into line now

Like all relationships, it takes two. The singer believes that this treatment is okay. He likely does believe he loves the woman. I know that it’s common for people in abusive relationships to feel like they actually love the person who is abusing them. If they didn’t, then they wouldn’t feel so drawn to the relationship. That feeling of being drawn to the relationship comes from being accustomed to abuse from childhood on. It’s what feels normal to them. So they often act as if it’s a normal relationship or “not as bad” as others would say it was. So, it’s no surprise to me that this song is sung in a way that makes it feel normal.

That doesn’t make it less abusive. It’s almost a gaslight to us (except in this case it’s unintentional). The abuse should have been obvious by the command, “You better.” But it’s more obvious when you see threats that “‘love’ will cut like a knife.” I always misheard that as “I’ll cut you like a knife,” which is a threat. It’s possible that this line is not written to be a threat, but a statement on how if you love someone then eventually what they do or don’t do will impact your emotional state and inevitably you will feel pain. But it sounds more like a threat to me in this context. The singer also sings, “You better shove me back into line now,” again referencing that he’s okay with this abusive relationship.

Rescue Me With Your Love

A lot of people who are lonely feel like victims as if loneliness were a persecutor. These sorts of people look to possible mates as if they are “saviors” or “rescuers” dispatching the loneliness and all consequences of feeling like a failure of not being in a relationship.

They can start to idolize the mate, because they do not believe they could feel content by themselves. They feel something like a desperate need for the person to stay, in order to keep them from ever facing that loneliness again.

These people attract others who want to play Savior to them. The woman in the song is a perfect example. When everything is going good between them, the woman (and others like her) enjoy being “worshipped.” But, if there is a hint that they are no longer being worshipped and they are now being seen as a faulty human, they can get pissed. They will turn into a “persecutor” saying things like, “You better love me, all the time now,” and “You better bet your life or ‘love’ will cut you, cut you like a knife.”

Healthy people will not threaten each other in order to be “loved.” They will appreciate hearing that they’re loved, like a humble person. The fact that she says, “You better,” shows how narcissistic she is because she assumes she should be loved.

There is a desire and (assumption of their own worthiness) to be worshipped by these sorts of narcissists.

Sometimes this is not seen just in romantic relationships, but in parental relations. A mother or father might say, “I brought you into this world, I can take you out. You should respect (meaning worship) me.”

Parasocial Relationships

To learn more about parasocial relationships, I would suggest checking out a couple of articles from HollyMathNerd.

1. Unified Theory of Networked Narcissism: how and why social media makes us all into the worst versions of ourselves

2. "Anti-Racism" Damages Everyone: giving language to something many have noticed

Basically, people see someone online or on TV, or listen to them on the radio, or reading them online and start to feel as if they truly know the person, while the person being listened to knows nothing of the viewer/listener. It’s a lopsided “relationship” that is inauthentic because it does not actually exist for both parties.

It can happen that audience members believe they truly know the person they’re reading or listening to, but they do not.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some people who found me online because of my YouTube videos and Facebook presence. We had some good times. But now I don’t speak to any of them. They all got the wrong impression of me. Because we’d talked on the phone plenty of times we were able to have good times in person. But they had overlays, or impressions of who I was. One in particular saw me as her “savior,” with the knowledge I would discuss with her, and then turned around and viewed me as a “victim” whom she needed to “rescue.” That was the beginning of my understanding of the Drama Triangle.

I will not put up with people doing that to me. I appreciate the kind comments from people who enjoy what I write. But if you assume you know me and what I need and try to “rescue” me like I’m a “victim,” I will stop it (the communication). After I wrote the last article, something like that happened again.

And, although I’ve wanted to write an article about this particular song for a while, it wasn’t until yesterday that it all felt right. And, that’s because of this.

Parasocial Hero Worship & Backlash

Viewers, listeners, and readers love to think they know who they are following. They think all the bits and pieces they’ve heard let them know who that person is in the “real world.” But, as I’ve said, they’re wrong.

And audience members can act like “victims” of a lack of knowledge or insight, who see a podcaster or writer as a “savior” doing all of the work for them. I know some people who listen to a show like and feel like “if he’s doing this, then I don’t have to.” We all have to take personal responsibility and enforce our boundaries personally. We cannot say just because this or that person is doing it, then I don’t have to. And, as for knowledge, you still are personally responsible for checking if someone is telling the truth. You ultimately have to rely on yourself.

Eventually those people in those parasocial relationships will see or hear something they didn’t expect, which shatters the overlay that they placed on the person. Please watch this video for more information on overlays. It’s more specifically about romantic relationships, but it works extremely well for parasocial relationships with content creators.

The Backlash After the Overlay Spell Is Broken

Once the overlay spell is broken, the follower can no longer see the creator as a “savior” and then shifts that person into the “persecutor” or “victim” role. It’s usually the “persecutor” role. But if they choose to view the creator as a “victim,” they will start commenting with solutions or knowledge to try to “rescue” the creator from falsehoods. If they choose to view the creator as a “persecutor” now, they will start with (usually verbally/written) attacks or threatening them. They may go on a smearing rampage on social media as well, to try to “save” protentional audience members” from the “evil creator.”

If you are a creator and you’ve experienced this, I hope you now understand more clearly what happened and why.

If you think back to the song, and think about a situation where a creator has said or written something thanking their audience, consider that there are some viewers/listeners out there feeling, “You better bet your life or ‘love’ will cut you, cut you like a knife.” It’s not that they’re literally thinking this way. They’re not conscious of it because they think they know the person.

But, as soon as the overlay breaks, it comes out.

The Newsroom Reference

This clip is from the premiere episode of Season 2 of the The Newsroom. In this scene, Will McAvoy describes this song as how he feels like his relationship with his audience plays out. At one point it sounds like he’s ready to call it a “really demented relationship” but that word gets caught off and he never returns to it. He does say “that person’s just mean.”

I think it’s beyond mean. It’s abusive. And it is demented. And I don’t have those relationships with anyone in my local “real world.” People are way more interested in asking questions to get to know a person when talking to them in person. They don’t assume they know all about you already. I’m considering staying away from social media interactions, beyond writing articles, and may change my comment section in the future if it gets too bad.

Leave a comment

I apparently “frightened” someone by saying I won’t put up with this entitled attitude. When people who like to break boundaries get told there is a boundary that will be enforced, they think you’re being mean. That’s projection.

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

Easter is a busy time at work (church), and then I had a health event a couple of weeks leading up to it. I came down with what the locals are calling a “long cough.” It’s been going around plenty. When you come down with the “long cough” it is a deep cough and it lasts for 3 or more weeks. Although I was told it was likely a “virus.” He was unsure of what it was and I don’t believe in “viruses” as little persecutors that I fall “victim” to.

But, regardless of what it was, it hit hard. I don’t think I ever got COVID in the past, but if I did, it wasn’t enough to notice it. This was horrible. I was throwing up mucus1. That post nasal drip & consequences led to not being able to eat because everything solid scratched my throat causing me to throw up again2. I pulled a rib muscle from coughing which can apparently take about 5 weeks to heal.

I normally go to work through rough patches, but I couldn’t make it in the first week. I went to the clinic three times and was put on a couple of opioids3. When I went in to work one week into it they sent me back home again and I was thankful. I’m very grateful that they were able to cover for me on Holy Week and I had plenty of paid sick time to use.

I went back to work this week, but had to go home early a couple of times due to being exhausted. I’m normally exhausted, but between the opioids, healing, and my normal exhaustion, I just couldn’t stay the full day. I’ve tried not using the drugs last night, and I think I can do that. But it’s difficult to get off those without falling into depression as well. I’m still coughing but it’s nothing like it was in the first couple of weeks.

For now I am going to focus on healing up, and I don’t know when I will feel up to writing again. So I thought I ought to update you all.

Thanks for your support.

Leave a comment

I agree with Heather as she reads it. I don’t feel the need to reiterate everything Heather says, so I suggest watching the episode or at least that segment.

The Drama Roles

Mothers caring for their children and other children they didn’t even birth warn people to stay away from harmful substances out of love. These people get called “crunchy” like it’s a slur and get mocked, and sometimes people vindictively call child protective services on them.

Do they have a reason to lie? Are their upsides? Not really. Are they attempting to harm other people by warning about vaccines or food additives? What is their motivation?

Well, according to the UnHerd article title, these so-called crunchy moms are delusional. That’s their only motivation. It has nothing to do with love and caring for others apparently.

Subscribe now

The writer, Rosie Gray, should be ashamed of her article, for many reasons. It is amazing to me that she probably feels proud about writing it instead.

If you’ve been reading my Substack on the Drama Triangle you can already point out from the UnHerd article’s title that Robert Kennedy Jr is being cast as a “persecutor.” The title paints the crunchy moms more as “victims” of RFK who feeds their delusions.

In the article, there is a quote that also could imply social media companies are partly to blame. I’ve seen that argument about YouTube’s algorithm promoting misinformation before. This is one that may slip by readers of the article because of how it’s said in passing.

There’s also the depiction of conspiracy theorists (someone who would believe in chemtrails) as an “idiot.” The article paints crunchy moms as victims throughout.

Victory goes to the crunchy moms, but they may find that it’s a pyrrhic one. They want nasty ingredients and dyes out of the food supply, they want clean water and soil, and they want sterner oversight of pharmaceuticals — but they support an administration that is dismantling the federal agencies that oversee these areas.

Of course, there is no mention of the fact that the federal agencies as they currently are have failed miserably in protecting us. Something needs to change. The article goes on and ends with:

This could be the moment for liberals to somehow reach out to the crunchy moms, but so far they’ve shown no interest in speaking to them on their terms — or in general, addressing the large swathes of Americans who have lost trust in the medical establishment. These women are trying to protect their children, and they think they’re doing so — even those who don’t vaccinate for measles. As long as “trust the science” is the only answer to a worried mom who has questions about the vaccine schedule, those moms will gravitate towards the side that embraces them — whether it ultimately benefits them or not.

It’s true that so-called liberals (leftists really) don’t want to reach out to “crunchy moms” (who may have been Democrats at one point). This is a problem of their own making. They believe in the fallacy of guilt by association; they’re always ostracizing people. Many on the left want to cast “anti-vaxxers” as evil persecutors, so to reach out to them on their (anti-vaxx) terms would be dangerous. Their own peers might find fault in them simply for “associating” with an anti-vaxxer and meeting them on those terms.

No, Democrats can’t “Save” crunchy moms. They’ve made them untouchable.

What’s Worse?

& Brett also discuss the fact that the flu has apparently killed more children than measles. Why is there such a fixation on Measles when there are other harms out there for children in greater numbers?

Partly, I think there are many untouchable subjects for Democrats. If leftists write about anything that might be considered a “conspiracy theory” like seed oils being harmful, their own party will disown them. I’ve written about how they perceive that ostracization & bullying threat, whether consciously or unconsciously, and fawn here.

But I believe they’re actually legitimately scared to write about certain topics. I don’t know if that is conscious, but I do believe it keeps them off of certain topics, the topics that may be doing the most damage to our population. So they will steer clear of those untouchable subjects.

Secondly, I think they’re in echo chambers and are probably scared of the Measles more than the Flu, et al. They believe people get their flu vaccines. But they are told people are not getting Measles vaccines. Although the writer of the article wrote in a way to make “crunchy moms” into “victims” of disinformation, there is a way in which any person who rejects vaccines can be thought of as a threat (“persecutor”) because they may walk around “diseased” and possibly make others sick.

Ultimately I think articles like these get written because of fear (of getting sick), and as (righteous indignation) attacks on those they believe can get them sick (hence the derogatory labels like “crunchy”). There’s a separation between the delusional “crunchy” moms and the Leftist “smart” people who could help “Save” the “victims” of disinformation. It’s “us” versus “them.” There is no attempt to see if maybe the “crunchy” moms are on to something, so how on earth are they going to be talked to on the same level?

The author of the article doesn’t mention how. And I’m reminded of this quote (which I shared before) from a study on vaccine hesitancy.

“I think we need to avoid the trap of thinking that information or knowledge is enough, because for a lot of the people, and when you look at hesitancy and parental vaccine hesitancy in the US, the group who is most likely to purposefully choose to not vaccinate are highly educated. In speaking with them, these are people who have read the primary literature themselves, and they’re correctly interpreting it, so it’s not a misunderstanding. They have other concerns that go beyond the traditional public health message of, ‘This is what you should be doing.’”

— Emily Brunson, MPH, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Anthropology at Texas State University - You can download the guide to COVID-19 vaccine communications on the archive of their website.

The people who actually study why humans might be hesitant to get a vaccine, know that vaccine hesitant people are smart and understand the data. The idea that the “true-believers” in vaccines could talk to them on their level and change their minds is utterly ridiculous and honestly prideful.

That should probably be my last point. To write the UnHerd article, Rosie had to be prideful that she was “correct.” Pride is a lifting up oneself as smarter or better than another person, in this case the incorrect naive “crunchy moms.” It takes a lot of pride to write an article like that. The article’s point seems to be that “crunchy moms” are stupid and fall for RFK’s propaganda and Democrats who are smarter should be able to “save” them but willfully won’t. There’s no explanation as to why the Democrats won’t.

Do you agree with me on my reasoning for why they won’t? That they’ve made anti-vaxxers untouchable?

Leave a comment

The UnHerd article just seems to be a puffing up of oneself, lowering down of “crunchy moms” and attacking the “persecutor” RFK/Trump administration as harming those “poor moms”. It’s an emotional Drama Triangle propaganda piece, nothing more.

If you enjoyed my article, you may enjoy the following one:

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

You could have the best racing horse in the world, and shop it around to car dealerships and they will not want it or would purchase it for cheap, to re-sell for a glue factory. A horse is not valued by a car dealership, but it would be valued at a racing track. Many of us grew up not being valued for things we do extraordinarily well. But, so few of us are willing or able to understand that we would be valued by others if we were in the correct environment. The way others view us matters.

I wanted to write about how much viewing someone as if they are mature matters, but I’m going to get personal here, so that’s going behind the paywall. I hope you’ll find this interesting, because so many immature people are running around as adults and there’s a reason for that, but it’s not something that couldn’t be fixed with enough people doing the work to raise their children to maturity.

Read more

Justin Trudeau

Canada’s Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, made a speech today discussing the tariffs that President Trump put into place. Canada will be increasing tariffs in response, which should shock no one. Around 2 minutes and 20 seconds into this clip, Trudeau starts speaking directly to the US population.

He said:

Now just like I did a month ago, I want to speak first directly to the American people. We don't want this we want to work with you as a friend, an ally, and we don't want to see you hurt either. But your government has chosen to do this to you.

Notice that he is painting the US citizens as “victims” and Trudeau is attempting to get himself out of the “persecutor” position and label himself as an “ally.” He then says our government (meaning Trump) the actual “persecutor.” He continued…

As of this morning, markets are down and inflation is set to rise dramatically all across your country. Your government has chosen to put American jobs at risk at the thousands of workplaces that succeed because of materials from Canada or because of consumers in Canada or both they've chosen to raise costs for American consumers on everyday essential items like groceries and gas, on major purchases like cars and homes and everything in between. They've chosen to harm American National Security impeding access to the abundant critical minerals, energy-building materials and fertilizers that we have and that the United States needs to grow and prosper. They've chosen to launch a trade war that will first and foremost harm American families. They've chosen to sabotage their own agenda that was supposed to usher in a new golden age for the United States. And they've chosen to undermine the incredible work we've done together to tackle the scourge that is fentanyl a drug that must be wiped from the face of the earth.

Fentanyl is used in hospitals. We probably don’t want it wiped from the face of the earth, but he was in Drama Triangle mode and over-swept here labeling it as an evil persecutor itself, rather than focus on the illegality and unregulated (possibly contaminated) versions.

Notice how much Trudeau is labeling our government as a “persecutor” here. I wanted to say to him, “Dude, I voted for this! I am the one you’re talking about. I’m not a victim watching this happen. I’m happy about it. You’re projecting your feeling like a victim onto us here.” But I know what he’s doing. He’s acting. He’s playing a part. He’s performing for people. Not for me… he’s not performing for me. But he’s performing for the press. He’s attempting to play a part and leading the press to write the story up and comment on how the US citizens will be victimized by Trump.

It’s kind of bizarre to watch people complain about things going according to plan. I know some people were feeling the same about the department of government efficiency (DOGE). The media acted as if the sky was falling and we are all dancing in the “rain” of it all.

I do hope we don’t lose good programs and good workers. And, the whole social security fraud thing is likely not what most believe it to be. But, overall, I think a lot of really good stuff is happening with DOGE pointing out stuff we never should have paid for in the first place, like the US Agency for International Development which funded things opposite of what citizens wanted and giving money to political traitors.

Volodymyr Zelensky

If you haven’t seen this Disaffected Podcast episode response to the visit from Zelensky to the White House to talk with Trump and Vance, please set aside some time to watch it. It’s important to understand the whole context.

I was somewhat shocked to see some people saying that Trump was a bully in that conversation. Not completely shocked, because people fall for Drama all the time and we all know people have TDS. But it still sparked something in people who should have realized something was up…but you know people just watch clips. Some people are too lazy to get the context and end up seeing the complete opposite. I’ve talked about that before in my article, The Magic of Controlling Perspectives via MSM Framing. Framing in media is all about reversing the victim and offender.

But it’s good to realize who is susceptible, who is lazy enough not to do their own research, and just accept the framing they are given. Always take those people’s beliefs with a grain of salt, and do your own research.

Subscribe now

Zelensky seemed to be stuck in an echo chamber, thinking he held more cards than he really did. He played the “victim” well. But he came to this meeting knowing he was going to perform. He knew he would screw things up for Trump and Vance trying to negotiate for peace by asking for more than had previously been discussed. He did not seem to want peace, or he was incredibly deluded thinking that Trump would roll over as quickly as Biden did. The leaders of the world should understand that we elected a new President because of things like this.

As Trump said, Zelensky was gambling with people’s lives and World War III. The real victims here are the men being conscripted to fight for Ukraine while Zelensky plays tough with Trump, and “victim” to the rest of the world. He can flip from playing “wounded bird” to acting tough on a dime. He did it in the conversation with Trump. He has become a great performer. Zelensky is an actor. That’s how he got this job as president.

From Wikipedia: “Servant of the People, also known as Servant of the Nation, is a Ukrainian political satire comedy series created and produced by Volodymyr Zelenskyy. Zelenskyy stars as the main character, Vasily Petrovych Goloborodko, a high-school history teacher in his thirties, who is unexpectedly elected President of Ukraine after a video filmed by one of his students goes viral, showing him making a profane rant against government corruption in his country. The series ran for three seasons between 2015 and 2019, as well as a film adaptation released in 2016. The series was produced by Kvartal 95, which was founded by Zelenskyy. The studio would soon become involved in Ukrainian politics, and in 2018 a political party of the same name as the show was registered. Running as its candidate, Zelenskyy was elected president of Ukraine in 2019.”

He hasn’t actually become great at performing, it’s probably all he knows. I bet he grew up in a family that was big into the Drama Triangle view of the world.

Share

His Attire

Plenty of comments have been made about how he didn’t dress up in a suit to meet the President and VP of the US. I agree, he should, but he couldn’t. He could not decide to wea r a suit all of a sudden to meet Trump & Vance, because he’s said over and over that he won’t wear a suit until the war is over. Oh, that’s interesting. If he wore a suit and went along with Trump to get this peace deal signed, perhaps he could have gotten away with it. But we’ve already come to understand he probably didn’t go there desiring peace.

From The Times: “Since his country was invaded by Russia in 2022 Zelensky has always make it clear that he will dress in clothes that portray his solidarity with the soldiers fighting the Russian army on the front line. It is not only a noble approach but a practical one. Zelensky lives in a small bunker, in a concrete block surrounded by a ring of steel, in the Ukrainian capital, Kyiv. The wartime leader has said: ‘I have a small wardrobe here. The clothes are all similar. Such casual things. I just don’t use suits right now.’ In his wardrobe, at the end of the rail, he keeps a suit as a ‘symbol that the war will end soon’.”

In the conversation with Trump, someone else asked why he wouldn’t wear a suit, and Zelensky responded, “I will wear costume after this war will finish. Maybe something like yours, yes, maybe something better, I don't know. We will see. Maybe something cheaper."

Zelensky’s attire is part of the performance.

In their conversation Trump came to understand that Zelensky had come to ruin the deal or to play rough/tough. Zelensky wanted to get Trump to bad-mouth Putin, which is an idiotic thing to do when you’re trying to get two parties to calm down. Because Trump would not label Putin as an all-evil persecutor, he’s viewed as evil by association.

But who’s really evil in this situation? Who is trying to lessen the loss of lives? Trump wanted peace and he gets turned into a persecutor by the media, Democrats, Zelensky, and other European leaders.

Trump is coming from a place of love (peace). But the people who are not, can’t stand it. They want war and/or drama of any sort. They want to revel in labeling Putin an evil persecutor. Zelensky can’t stop playing a “victim” of Russia. What would he do then? His whole identity is tied up in this performance.

I want peace. I don’t want those people to die. Zelensky doesn’t seem to give a crap about them, because, yes, he was gambling with their lives. And, I bet they (Ukrainians) know it. It’s the people who are not there on the Ukrainian ground who can be sympathetic towards Zelensky (playing wounded bird).

Trump talks big and acts big. He doesn’t feel as powerless as Biden did. Trump actually gets things done. The world needs to realize we voted this in. We want these actions. We will not take being stolen from and used and abused any longer.

I am somewhat surprised to hear that Zelensky has decided to sign a deal to attempt to bring about peace.

We will have to see what happens. But you know what this reminds me of? The time I enforced my boundaries. When you do not play along with the Drama Games and enforce your boundaries, regardless of how people cry or rage about it, they will go to find some other path to getting what they want that has less resistance. He went off to the European nations.

Perhaps, Zelensky realized, finally, that no one else out there can give him what he wants. That has been my theory on how to stop the Drama in the world through everyone taking personal responsibility and boundary enforcing. Perhaps it worked. We will see.

EDIT: Was Zelensky Trying to Look Like He Tried?

After I posted this article, I read Was Zelenskyy's Oval Office Squabble Theater? on . It’s worth a read. He suggests that perhaps Zelensky was trying to act tough so he “will return to Ukraine looking less weak having spit on the deal offered by the Americans.” Zelensky may be worried to look like a traitor to his people to just jump on this deal with Russia that Trump is putting together. If that is the case, it still goes along with my point. He would be putting on a show for Ukrainians, acting. And, once again, this is an example of how he is speaking towards the crowd, and not the people he’s in the meeting with.

What are your thoughts? /edit

Leave a comment

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

e-Mails:

• Barbara.Wegner@protonmail.com

• dramaofitall@substack.com

• admin@asabovebelowloa.com

I also included the graph that shows as ignore the nuances and reality in general, your life gets exponentially worse. Four years ago, the woke Democrats let out a sigh of relief that we would never have Donald Trump in the White House again. But they couldn’t stop ignoring reality; they stayed in their echo chambers. And now they’re freaking out worse than they could have imagined. The same thing can happen to Republicans who ignore reality as well. In fact, that was my whole point in the article. That causes our wild political pendulum swings.

As people ignore reality for too long, they look back at the realists with hatred and disgust. As they become more radicalized, they look back at normal people and think they’re the “extremists.” Some people believe constitutionalists are extreme, and some have dehumanized MAGA as MAGAts for instance.

Transgender Insanity

Back in 19861 the idea that a girl would be trapped in a boy’s body and need medical surgery to live authentically was laughed at. This was seen as over-the-top and ridiculous. The SNL skit portrays the Obstetrician (played by Phil Hartman) as a traumatized man who believes all boys are bad and thus only delivers girls…

The reporter in the skit says, “Dr. Hoffritz, can’t you see what you’re doing here? I mean, the 48-51% – they’re not girls, they’re little boys! You have mutilated over 2,000 little boys!”

This was known as mutilation.

He replies, “No! No, they weren’t boys. They were little girls.. trapped in little boys’ bodies.. [ music sweeps over him ] You see.. boys are.. bad. They have bad thoughts! Sometimes they disobey their mothers.. they have to be punished! [ sniffles ] But what do their mothers know, anyway.. [ weeping ] They’re out all night with “Uncle Rudy”! But he’s not my uncle! Why does she call him my “uncle”..? [ falls to the floor, crying ]”

Share

And in 1971, Mr. Rogers was saying that boys stay boys and only they can be the daddies. Girls are girls from the beginning and don’t change. Boys can’t eventually be mommies, and girls can’t eventually be daddies.

These things were normal and known to be fact. None of this was seen as shocking. Those normies who still believe this went from feeling sane to being gaslighted by the extremists within a few decades.

Believing that you cannot change the biological sex of a human is a fact, and it’s a normal belief. You are not extreme for believing it and you are not endangering anyone with your beliefs. It’s their beliefs that cause them pain. People like to shift responsibility to us, but that leaves them powerless.

Vaccine-Free

Being free of vaccines is seen as “extreme” by people today. This is mind-blowing.

This is from in the article Why Vaccine Mandates are Unethical

1. Vaccine mandates imply that all humans are born in a defective, inherently harmful state that must be biotechnologically augmented to allow our unrestricted participation in society, which amounts to discrimination on the basis of healthy, innate characteristics of the human race. This devaluation of the innate human constitution is not only universally dehumanising, but it perverts the very concept of human rights; discrimination against the unvaccinated implies that being born human is no longer a guarantee of full human rights. The present argument is fully developed here: https://jme.bmj.com/content/48/4/240.

We are all born free from vaccines naturally. We have a God-given immune system. I understand some people have faith in Big Pharma rather than God, but to view children as extreme in their being if they aren’t vaccinated is shocking. How can the natural state of things be seen as “extreme?” Of course, it goes back to my graph. If you’re on the extreme side and can’t view nuances, then you will see people who disagree with you as the “real extremists.” We just never used to be so far apart before.

A Vegan Diet

So, yesterday I saw a post putting veganism and transgenderism together in the “extreme beliefs” category. Yes, I agree that transgenderism is extreme. Just 25 years ago we all would have agreed with that, which I think I’ve proved.

But every single human is born on a vegan diet, in the same way that they’re born without vaccines. Eating meat and dairy is pushed onto babies, in the same way we push vaccines onto them. The reason is because people think those things are good for them.

I wouldn’t call those people extreme just for those beliefs2. As I said in my article on the Drama Triangle Dynamics of Vegans, I don’t care if someone else decides to eat meat. But it is mind blowing to me that someone would think it’s extreme to be a natural human baby, vaccine-less and meat-less.

If a baby is born in a natural state and continues to not be introduced to vaccines or meat or dairy, that doesn’t mean they become extreme. But if you think they are, it might be time to look at yourself and your own beliefs to see if you are the one who has become extreme.

EDIT: Breastmilk is Vegan

I don’t know who is pushing this idea that breastmilk isn’t vegan, but it’s ridiculous. I’ve seen a couple of people bringing this up, so I felt I needed to add it to the article. Being vegan is usually focused on not taking what doesn’t belong to us to eat or drink. Taking milk from a cow is not vegan. A mother giving milk she biologically made for her child to live is natural and vegan. Yes, even PETA agrees. This sounds like a strawman argument for people who hate vegans.

I Live in the Grey Areas

I know people have different opinions and don’t care. I take and share what I like and agree with, I consider if they have other good points, and sometimes I disagree with them politely. None of that is extreme. It’s a good way to live.

People today have just wandered so far from reality and they love to engage in splitting (seeing things as all good or evil, persecutor or ally, etc.), that they view natural things as “extreme.” It still shocks me even though I understand it.

Perspectives Are Funny These Days

I made this video for my last article, and shared it on a free video platform (for creators) and it was rejected because it was “offensive” or objectional in some way. The rejection had nothing to do with the quality. I don’t understand how to see it as offensive. But we’re all seemingly living in parallel perceptual realities these days…

Leave a comment

Subscribe now

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

As neoconservatism is described on Wikipedia, it is “a political movement which began in the United States during the 1960s among liberal hawks who became disenchanted with the increasingly pacifist Democratic Party along with the growing New Left and counterculture of the 1960s. Neoconservatives typically advocate the unilateral promotion of democracy and interventionism in international relations together with a militaristic and realist philosophy of ‘peace through strength’. They are known for espousing opposition to communism and radical politics.”

I will use that definition so we’re on the same page. It’s a stark contrast to the idea of putting “America First” as Trump or other MAGA believers declare it. They are both saying that they want peace for the US and oppose communism. But according to Wikipedia (and I agree for the most part), “America First refers to a populist political theory in the United States that emphasizes the fundamental notion of "putting America first", which generally involves disregarding global affairs and focusing solely on domestic policy in the United States. This generally denotes policies of non-interventionism, American nationalism, and protectionist trade policy.”

Trying to “save the world” is a “rescuer” role that neo-cons and democrats share. I have two past articles on this topic that might be good to read if you’re new (or want a refresher). The first is, Contrary to Popular Belief, Narcissists Don't Love Themselves: And focusing on caring for the self FIRST is beneficial, but narcissists don't. In that one I discuss why taking care of yourself first is needed, and it’s really the only sane way to go. Neo-cons are likely narcissists if they think the US is better than other countries and we need to change what everyone else does to be more like us, or we need to “Rescue” them, etc. That is a prideful position.

The second article is Saviors Take The Weight of the World On Their Shoulders: Taking responsibility that isn't rightfully yours will make you exhausted. Neo-cons would tire the US out trying to “save the world” through US governmental actions. You cannot thrive when you spend all your time freaking out about the state of the whole world. We were not really meant to do that as humans.

The horseshoe theory posits that the far-left and far-right are closer together rather than being on opposite ends of a linear spectrum. The far-left and far-right today could be said to have authoritarian tendencies, in that they want to control what goes on in other people and other countries. Many on the far-left are environmentalists who worry about “climate change” and believe it to be an existential threat.

People tend to be one-dimensional thinkers when it comes to describing the political spectrum. They think about a line, whether curved or not.

This graphic from is useful. But it’s still linear.

Dr. made a video because of the COVID over-reactions of a different perspective which I think works better for my purposes. In it, he talks about the Nolan Chart. Someone on the far left would be very low on economic freedom (which shoots to the right horizontally), but would be very high on personal freedom (being able to marry whomever, allow so-called “transgender” surgeries on children, etc.)

So, the left side of the chart favors more government involvement in economic matters but places importance on personal freedoms, while the right favors less government involvement in the economy but typically emphasizes more traditional views on social issues, which might limit some personal freedoms.

This is a two-dimensional representation. So at the bottom you can be more authoritarian, or at the top you can be more libertarian. There are some left libertarians who think there should be no age of consent or immigration laws (which is mind-blowing to me, no matter how libertarian I tend to be because that shows a lack of good, moral boundary enforcement).

And I would believe that a neo-con on the “right” would be more authoritarian than someone who calls themself MAGA. The MAGA movement really took off with COVID, but oddly enough that issue causes many of them to disagree with Trump on Operation Warp Speed (and vaccines in general).

Many Democrats who felt as if they had nothing in common with those on the “right” politically suddenly found themselves on the same (libertarian) side because they were prioritizing libertarian views (that we not be forced to lockdown, shut down businesses, wear masks and get vaccines). Many Democrats and more Big Pharma Republicans found themselves on the same authoritarian side.

I had to come up with the term “Big Pharma Republicans”, but somehow Trump is an odd ball here. He is pro Big Pharma in some respects, but still believes they shouldn’t be mandatory, so I don’t think that category really includes him.

But there are Republicans who view vaccines as our “saviors” and don’t like the idea of going against Big Pharma interests. This is one of those critical issues that makes it so Trump’s “fans” are not viewing him as an all good “savior” [as opposed to those who view him as an all-evil “persecutor”]. They just tend to agree with the things they agree with, and disagree with Trump about other things that matter to them, like human beings used to do, before the hyper-politization of everything.

Subscribe now

What’s Up With That Hyper Politization?

The Reverse Drama Triangle or the Drama Triangle Mirror

I wrote about a phenomenon that happens in past articles, referring to it either as a reverse Drama Triangle, or a mirror. The following image is from my article, Donald Trump & His Calls For Protest: Left & Right Mirrors of the Drama Triangle. In it, you can see that one drama triangle seems to be mirrored (or reversed) with its “persecutor”. Both sides think they are the true victims and the other side is a persecutor.

The majority of the politically-engaged “right” and “left” view each other as persecutors and themselves as victims because they are one-dimensional thinkers who can only perceive their environment through the Drama Triangle lens. If someone won’t play “victim” for them, they will automatically turn that person into a “persecutor” because it’s black or white to them. They cannot see nuance. They never take their Drama Triangle glasses off.

Note: I don’t believe everyone who claims a political party is necessarily politically-engaged in this way. Some people may see themselves as a Republican or Democrat, but if they have a fulfilling life outside of politics and don’t think of it day in and day out, I wouldn’t consider them to be “politically engaged.”

Most of the political social media creators and viewers are “politically engaged.” But each one of those people is an individual and may be more or less personally responsible, and thus more or less likely to see themselves or others in Drama Triangle roles.

We may all have certain topics that spark a feeling of “victimhood.” There is so much nuance here and I think, if there are any people outside of the Drama Triangle 100%, it’s a very miniscule amount. Some days and some topics are better than others.

Although I know that believing chemtrails are unhealthy makes me upset, I have not worked on changing that belief, and I wrote about my beliefs on that the other day.

If you look at that article about being offended, you’ll notice a graph similar to the one below. This is not meant to be a graph based on data, but this is how I conceptualize this pattern of behavior.

Some people always seem to view the world through the Drama Triangle lens and they are always looking for a persecutor to blame. Those people would be on the far right of this “Triangulation Propensity” graph.

Others may be mildly likely to blame others rather than take personal responsibility and they may be in the middle somewhere. Still others might be very personally responsible, and very unlikely to blame someone else for their problems. Those people would be on the left of this graph.

I have been honest on this Substack about sometimes falling into old habits of feeling like a victim and seeing others as persecutors. I’m pretty aware of it, and question my beliefs to help extricate myself from that 1-dimensional view of a situation. I don’t tend to look for persecutors or fall into a victim mentality nearly as much as others, so I think I would be pretty far on the left somewhere.

When I talk about political radicalization, what I mean is the difference between a moderate (who can listen to a lot of viewpoints from others who disagree with them), versus someone who is “Far-left” or “Far-right” who will not listen to any disagreement in an honest way. Those sorts will get themselves into echo chambers because they can’t stand the “others” who don’t get what is so plain to them.

Note: If you think you know this far-right or -left person who will argue with others (outside of an echo chamber), I want you to know that that person hasn’t really left the echo chamber of their mind. Those sorts are not listening to understand, they’re just saying what they believe in order to convince others (that’s a pointless savior/rescuer move).

If you are on the far-right of my graph (with a high propensity to see things through a Drama Triangle lens), you will become a 1-dimensional thinker. Those on the left (of the graph) are able to listen to multiple perspectives and not see things in black & white. They don’t engage in splitting as often as those high-triangulation propensity do.

Opposites Attract?

I also write about the Law of Attraction which is usually minimized down to “like attracts like” which goes against the theory that opposites attract. So I wrote a bit about that. If you’re interested, see that article: Do Opposites Really Attract?

I want you to look back at the graph above with this in mind, a politically far-right person and a politically far-left person can be at the exact same point on that line. Are they opposites or exactly alike?

They’ve got the same “frequency” (to use a new-age term). They mirror each other, but they’re on the same wavelength as each other when we consider whether or not they have a triangulation propensity.

Because living in the Drama Triangle (seeing everything through that lens) requires you to give up personal responsibility, it also means you feel internally powerless. So people who have a high triangulation propensity will feel very powerless. Inversely, those who focus on taking personal responsibility will feel very powerful and in control of their lives.

The political radicals are those who feel powerless and have a high triangulation propensity. Because of the radicalization they are two sides of the same magnet, which means they attract others like themselves (albeit their mirror image, to fight with or to learn from). Note: They usually never learn from their mirror image, this is why projection is at an all time high! But God/the universe is giving them an option to learn here.

Stop Attracting Them

If you want to stop attracting these people you have to stop being like them. That means you have to give up your triangulation propensity. This involves actually wanting to see things from multiple perspectives. It means listening to people who disagree with you to gain insights. If you’re not gaining insights, it’s not worth listening to that person, move on to someone else. Remember, that should be a knowledge collection mission, not an evangelism mission. You can’t change other people’s minds (and stop trying to be a rescuer).

The mission would be to see how other people view the things that you view as a “persecutor.” Some people will be wrong, because they’re not sane. But find the sane ones who just disagree with you and check those people out. You don’t have to agree, but opening your mind helps you to stop being a one-dimensional thinker (stuck in an echo chamber).

You can do “shadow work” as well. The more you heal your emotional wounds, the less likely you are to blame others. The following is an article I wrote on my other Substack. If you are a paid Drama Triangle supporter, just message me to get a complimentary paid sub to that one as well.

Share

Why is the Pendulum Swinging Farther?

I know you’ve noticed it. In the United States we are swinging from the political left to the political right farther, and, perhaps, even faster since Trump didn’t get to complete a continuous 8 years. I don’t know what will happen when Trump leaves office. But there is a possibility that in 4 years we will have a Democrat president again.

Background

In the past the federal government did not have as much power as it does now. It didn’t matter that much who became the president because there were checks and balances. At some point something happened that they started to have much more influence on our day-to-day lives. The United States of America was never meant to be like that. They fought against being ruled by powers far away. They wanted more local governance. But I digress…

Indoctrination

As people look to their political representatives as a “Rescuer” or “Savior”, they fall into a feeling of powerlessness when their party/representatives are not elected and in power. People did not use to focus so intently on their representative getting in. Part of this, could be social media (See Getting Siloed into Parallel Realities for more info).

But I think a lot of it is because our schools got infected and started to perform reverse CBT. I’ve studied Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and it’s helped me so much, including helping me to learn more about the Drama Triangle. There was discussion on cognitive distortions, some of which are splitting and catastrophization.

But our schools actually focus on catastrophizing like scaring children about what our world might be like thanks to climate change. They are molding children into “rescuers” which is parentification. Below is an example of the New York government doing that during COVID:

According to them the child was responsible for the adult’s health. The ad campaign promotes the idea that if the child didn’t get vaccinated people could die and they could be a Hero (savior/rescuer) through this action. That is responsibility shifting.

I think the United States taught a generation (or more) of children to be one-dimensional thinkers stuck in the Drama Triangle lens, so of course they view the government as their “protector” and if the government is not there (ie they didn’t get their representatives into the government), then they are a “victim” of the current administration who needs rescuing.

Spiritual Considerations

Up until now I have been pretty fact or “reality” (as we all share it) focused. But I have a background in Christianity and I have spiritual views, so I wanted to share my understanding of why the pendulum is swinging faster and wider, and I needed to write the above so you could understand this portion.

Leave a comment

Trial By Fire

I believe that we are constantly being “tried.” The word “tried” here refers to both being on trial and being in a “trial by fire.” I wrote more about this from a “new age” Christian perspective in my article, “The Lake of Fire: The Ages of Purification Before the New Age” and my article where I describe Satan as the accuser, a lawyer, and Jesus as our advocate, “Why Should We Appreciate Satan (the Devil) Rather Than Fear Him?”.

You are given the choice of life or death. Satan (the adversary) is simply a symbol of the choices that tempt you. You get tempted to be lazy, slothful, prideful, greedy, etc. Every day is a new day to make new choices. Every choice is a choice between life and death, where the choice of “death” leads to easiness now, but suffering in the long-run, and choosing “life” leads to suffering in the short term but heaven in the long-run. Are you lazy or is today the day to beat temptation?

There is no original sin from Eve keeping us in a sin loop. Cain was born directly of Eve and God told him he could choose to not sin.

5… Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. 6 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

Even so-called Christians read the bible and choose death. We all have the ability to choose life (and it doesn’t matter if you claim to believe in Jesus or not). Jesus separates the sheep and the goats by their deeds, not based on if they said Jesus was their lord/master. Christians can’t enter the kingdom of heaven if they didn’t follow Jesus’s example (Matthew 7:21-23).

As people ignore the Holy Spirit convicting them of sin, or ignore reality as we see it and choose a lie over truth, they are walking down the broad way (rather than the narrow, difficult path that Jesus taught). Remember that Jesus taught people to look at their own sin before judging others of theirs.

Everything that “critical theory,” wokeness and the Drama Triangle are based on is the exact opposite of what he taught. You have to mind-read (a cognitive distortion) what other people are thinking to claim that all white people are racist. How can you judge them before judging yourself? You have to be racist to say that “all white people” are anything. This is a wonderful example of projection and even if you don’t believe Jesus even existed, it’s a worthwhile exercise to stop projection in its tracks.

Matthew 7:1 Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. 2 For with the judgement you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. 3 Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your neighbor, "Let me take the speck out of your eye", while the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye.

People are increasingly laying blame outside of themselves and running away from responsibility and accountability. This also means that they are judging others harsher and harsher, which means, according to Matthew 7:2, that they are getting judged harsher and harsher). If you don’t want to manifest being judged harshly, you might consider being more forgiving of others. Oh, Jesus mentioned that too. Seems like it might be important if he said it twice.

Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

So if you stop forgiving people and judge them harshly, you bring that all upon yourself. Here is a graph I drew up with how I view this phenomena. On the bottom is the ignoring of reality and love that is God. If you have hate that’s a part of ignoring love. If you love a comforting lie over the truth, that counts too.

The longer you spend rebelling against truth and love, the worse your life gets. I view it as an exponential curve. Maybe it’s a little softer than that, but I dunno. I don’t think so based on this lifetime anyway.

When the triggering life events keep coming, eventually one of them will be enough to make you hit rock bottom and repent (stop doing the stuff you were doing and be sorry). Then life can calm down a little bit. Everyone is on their own schedule, because we all have different tolerance levels.

Once they repent and choose the narrow path, it will still be rocky. But I also believe “There’s Grace for Those Who Face (Their Demons).” On that narrow path, you have an advocate helping you along the way. It may be rocky, you may trip, but with a loving desire to do good, you are loved back by the universe/God. The world (which means “sinners” in the bible) may hate you. But they hate the light because like stars light up the darkness, the light illuminates the sin they would rather have buried and hidden.

Why is the Pendulum Swinging Farther? Redux

This pendulum action is a combination of people spending a long time walking down the broad way, ignoring reality and love, and starting on the path to exponentially worse triggering events (from a world/God trying to get them to repent) and the fact that it is happening to two sides of a magnet (left and right political parties).

If you go back to the exponential graph, mirror it, and then rotate it 90 degrees to the left, then start turning it around in a higher dimension, and you might start to visualize a tornado.

At the bottom (when things are not as crazy), stuff is not going so far from the left to the right. But at the top, when things are getting worse, those people would be swinging around far to the left and the right. We’re being spun around.

Now for those people who are dealing with reality, attempting to focus on love, not hate, judging themselves first, not only viewing life through the Drama Triangle lens, they will be at the bottom. This may include some MAGA members because of lot of them were pro-freedom/liberty and letting others do their own thing. I don’t believe the neo-cons are included. I don’t see Authoritarianism as being close to Godliness. The people on the bottom of this “tornado” don’t get flung around so much. And, thankfully, we have control over that.

This is my theory as to why our country is swinging around in a political pendulum right now. I see this as a positive because I know eventually people will hit their rock bottom and make changes which eventually can make the tornado fizzle out, (and I’m hanging out at the bottom where I’m not being flung around as much as others). But, yes, it’s like a storm and there will be some damage.

But people have control over how damaging it gets. The more resistant to God/Truth/Love/Reality etc. the worse things get. But they could let it purify them. They could repent. So I find it a little more difficult to be sympathetic. I truly believe that if people would be more kind1 rather than just trying to look “nice” and turn others into “evil persecutors” then they’d be better off right now.

Leave a comment

Please leave a comment with your thoughts on this theory on the political pendulum. Thanks!

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

Perspective Framing is a Magic Trick

The beginning discussion is focused on how the confirmation hearings are like a magic show. Bret even points out that it is the opposite of anamorphic art which requires the viewer to occupy a specific vantage point to view the recognizable image. You can see some illustrations of that art in the following video. You’ll see how if you’re in the exact correct position you can see the artwork, but if you’re in a different perspective you cannot.

The confirmation hearings were made for TV to show a projection of what was someone decided they wanted the public to see. Various corporate media stations were a part of this. They all curate what they want us, as viewers, to see.

Those of you reading this realize it’s a show. I think you’ll find the magic trick discussion useful in describing it. There is even mention of the Wizard of Oz and how Toto pulls back the curtain, like RFK did to Bernie’s act. Bernie was visually disturbed because he didn’t think that would happen. Democrats are not used to having their backstage antics shown to the world. They’re not used to pushback and they’ve gotten weak.

Whenever the Democrats complain about what Trump & DOGE is doing and what RFK may do to help the citizens of the US not have their taxes stolen to pay for things they object to and to become healthier, they (the Democrats), know that they need to dazzle the viewer.

They don’t want to be viewed as “persecutors” harming the public. This exposure would be very damaging. So they decide that they are going to paint a picture by spinning the story. It’s DARVO, where you deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. They attempt to paint the person who would possible feel harmed by vaccines, into a victim in another story.

I believe there are plenty of people who are pro-vaccines, that are also vaccine injured (or know others who are), but would never want to consciously become aware of that (because of motivated reasoning). Democrats would like to claim that these people will become victims if RFK Jr. is confirmed because Big Pharma companies might get sued and vaccines might be taken off the market.

For those who had tax payer money funneled through U.S. Agency for International Development (U.S. A.I.D.), they could be viewing themselves as victims of tax theft, but Democrats try to paint Elon as a Persecutor who could be stealing their data. Rather than being upset at USAID, they get upset with Elon/DOGE.

This is the trick, the re-direction. They know someone may feel like a victim, and they try to spin a story so the person gets upset at a different “persecutor” on a different story. And, it often works.

Stockholm Syndrome

Bret also discusses around an hour into the interview how many citizens have Stockholm Syndrome in connection with the government. I had previously written about how so many people seemed like they were fawning over their persecutors because they were afraid of what might happen if they disagreed.

Bret’s explanation made so much sense. Bret said:

…the public finds itself, most of the time prior to this election… the public is basically in a Stockholm syndrome relationship with government, which is to the extent that you recognize that your entire government has been captured by forces that are hostile to your well-being, it doesn't tell you what to do about it.

In fact there probably isn't anything to do about it in your average year. And I speak as somebody who's been trying to do something about it for decades. There is nothing to do. The only thing you can do is make your antipathy obvious to your very powerful enemies.

So I would argue that part of what keeps people from recognizing the full extent to which they are being deceived is that…knowing isn't helpful and not knowing, playing along with the deception, allows you to actually negotiate within the parameters, get a little bit… greater ration here, or you know a little bit more immunity to the terror there.

So it's a reasonable… I don't like it but it's a reasonable thing to do and the problem though is I don't think the public, who may be persuaded to continue to humor the theater of the senate in this case… I don't think the public understands that this is the moment at which you should turn on the terrible people who've been parasitizing you because this is the moment at which they are actually back on their heels.

And to the extent that you recognize that this is theater or magic or whatever the appropriate analogy is, this is the moment in which there's a tremendous amount to be done. In other words an uprising on behalf of Bobby Kennedy, Tulsi Gabard, Kash Patel at this moment could turn the tide. It could put the fear of God into the people, into the Senators who would otherwise vote against them, so that they would elect not to. The game theory says this is the moment at which it makes sense to be aware of the full extent to which you're being fooled. And I don't think people get that. They're just sort of habitually used to pretending that the theater is real.

People are Lazy And Enjoy The Show

I would add that this goes back to what I just wrote about germ theory. People often choose the impossible task to focus on, rather than the uncomfortable but effective task. Because of laziness, people are more than willing to be fooled by the magic show and focus on the “persecutor” that the TV tells them to focus on.

Because of the media’s framing techniques they are able to get readers/viewers to hate a “persecutor” that may or may not be doing something wrong. Even if the person is doing something wrong, they may blow it out of proportion and turn the “persecutor” into a pure evil villain like many do with Trump. He’s not perfect, but he’s not the pure evil many think he is, solely because of the media’s framing (omitted context) and outright lies.

If you missed it, I wrote a guest article on Holly’s Substack called, Fake Journalists and Presstitutes. James Lindsay shared it on Twitter and called the drama triangle a great example of wizard’s circle which brings us back to the start of this. It’s like magic. These are illusions based on your perspective.

A Shift In Perspective Ruins The Trick

When you shift your perspective, outside of the Drama Triangle, you can see multiple perspectives around it and the story starts to dissolve like walking away from anamorphic art.

Subscribe now

The mainstream corporate media frames what’s going on in politics in the perspective they want you to see. Some media comes at it from a more corporate right-leaning perspective, most from the left-leaning perspective, but it’s usually all from the pro-Big Pharma perspective and never the libertarian (leave us alone) perspective. You have to listen to multiple people and differing perspectives to view what’s going on from multiple angles and try to come close to the reality.

That was not as possible in the past as it is today. I thank God for that, regardless of how heart-breaking it is to see what’s actually going on (as much as we can see). It makes it difficult to have relationships with those who still only see through one, single perspective. I call them one-dimensional thinkers.

We should all strive to take in multiple perspectives to see the reality. But I think many do not want to see reality because it feels overwhelming. Like Bret said, if you think1 there is nothing you can do to change the tyrannical government, people will think, “Why bother?” They’ll just fawn over them to protect themselves. Part of that fawning is to feign hatred at the current persecutor by supporting the current thing. Although their hatred may be real (being terrorized leads to fear which leads to hatred), the hatred is redirected through the magic show by the media’s framing towards a different “persecutor.”

People like the theater of it all. They like the easiness of being told what to think and do. They don’t want to take the responsibility of checking other sources, listening to other logical arguments, and questioning their beliefs. They don’t want to try to figure out who the actual persecutor is. They’re in fight-or-flight mode constantly. What would you do if you were running from one person or trying to fight another and someone said, “You’re on the wrong side”? If they listen to you, and you’re lying, they may be hurt or killed. It feels easier to stay with the thoughts that have momentum, the ones that they’ve lived with their whole lives.

In the middle of a battle is not the time to start wondering if you’re on the wrong side. And, that can be why, in a perverse incentive sort of way, media tends to want to keep us in fight or flight mode. If you turn off the TV, radio, or newspaper or magazine subscription, you might relax and start thinking clearly and ponder those questions…

• “What if they’re lying to me?”

• “What if I’m the baddie?”

• “What if I’m on the wrong side?”

I hope you’ll check out his interview. I think it’s worth watching and sharing. If you like this article, feel free to share it with others as well. It helps us all.

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

But, I do not know that Bret has put these two things together. And, perhaps, Bret wouldn’t want my “solution.” But I wanted to write my unique thoughts on this situation here anyway.

It was always stupid to get a degree in how to segregate people by “race”1 and then call it inclusion and equitable. I’ve also written about why “Restorative Justice” doesn’t work. The same could apply for people with “gender studies” if they are losing their jobs (which they should if they’re promoting the lie that people can transition into another sex). These were idiotic fields of study because they were all based on things that could not work in the real world.

Someone working in colleges decided to make those ideas into degrees that people could study and graduate with. If people all lose their jobs because Trump was elected, will they blame Trump (and Trump voters) or the colleges? I think we know. But I think it’s the colleges who created the problem here by offering these studies and degrees in the first place. To blame Trump would be to responsibility shift.

Subscribe now

Justice Restored with BDR

So, to bring justice to this situation, may the people who lost their jobs apply for a Borrowers Defense to Repayment (BDR) as I did to get their student loans discharged. You can read my story here (I had over $27,000 in student loans discharged).

Put those Colleges Out of Business

The sorts of people who read my work may balk at this suggestion to give these people all of their college tuition for free. They sure as hell don’t want to pay for those student loans with their tax money. But the point of a BDR is to blame the colleges. If the BDR is approved then the government can require the colleges to pay for those loans that get discharged via BDR. The government can also stop giving loans to those colleges that get dinged by BDR requests more than other colleges.

If you want to disincentivize colleges from pursuing providing idiotic degrees in fields that will not last, you should be for this plan, in my opinion.

From StudentAid.gov:

Reasons Borrowers Apply for Borrower Defense Discharge

Most borrowers file a borrower defense application because they believe that their school misled them or lied to them about something that was central to their decision to enroll. Under the borrower defense regulations, this is called a “misrepresentation.”

For example, some borrowers have qualified for borrower defense in the past when their school made false or misleading promises guaranteeing that they would get a job after graduation, earn a certain salary with their degree, or be able to transfer their credits to another school.

I would tell the person not to lie when filling out the application. But if a college said this degree was a good idea and you find out that it’s keeping you from being employed, you likely have a good case.

If you know someone who just got fired from a DEI position and find their degree useless after their college made promises that it would lead to a good paying career, suggest that they go to StudentAid.gov and apply for a Borrowers Defense to Repayment. What do they have to lose? A few hours of their time?

Apply for a BDR

Leave a comment

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

From an AI description of Terrain Theory:

“Terrain theory, also known as the terrain hypothesis, is a concept that emphasizes the body's internal environment or "terrain" as the primary factor in health and disease. This theory, proposed by Antoine Béchamp in the 1850s, contrasts with the germ theory, which focuses on external pathogens such as bacteria and viruses as the main causes of disease.”

The Drama of Germ Theory

I would hope by now my readers could see how this relates to the Drama Triangle, but for anyone new… in the germ theory (which would include viruses), the germ or virus is a sort of “invisible” external “persecutor” that comes in attacks the human (a “victim”) who will then get sick from the attack and perhaps die1.

The doctors and the Big Pharma industry work diligently to become the “rescuer” or “savior” who can eradicate the evil villains and be seen to be heroes. The reason they chose this career was likely because they saw “victims” of diseases when they were younger, or felt like a “victim” themselves. Feeling as if they are helping people doesn’t just give them some good emotional “feels” (that don’t last) when there is a “success” but they can find that playing “Savior” is their meaning in life. I wrote about how exiting the rescuer role can be strenuous due to that loss of meaning.

I’ve written plenty about how many people view doctors, abortionists, and vaccines as “rescuers” or “saviors” in the Drama Triangle. If you’re a paid subscriber to The Drama of It All, you can ask me for a complimentary paid sub to my Law of Attraction (LOA) Substack where I have written about my different perspectives on health and illness. I don’t agree with the Bret or Heather about viruses attacking the body.

But the point Heather & Bret make about most people wanting the simplistic “persecutor” explanation is spot on! I once wrote that SJWs Choose the Impossible Over Uncomfortable to Get Change and this is true in this instance as well. Doctors see themselves as health justice warriors. They fight the viruses and germs. But no matter how many times they find a “cure” or “solution” humans keep getting sick.2 The “problem” mutates faster than we can catch up. They choose the impossible fight!

Why?

Because most don’t want to do the uncomfortable thing of fixing the terrain.

When I speak of terrain, however, I don’t just mean the terrain of the body. I mean the terrain of the mind and the emotions as well. I’ve written about emotions are tied to our beliefs. You can change your emotional reaction to news by changing your perspective or beliefs about it. These things matter to your terrain immensely because your thoughts and beliefs can put you into fight-or-flight mode which kicks you out of the relaxation mode (when the body’s immune system heals from dis-ease). It’s not until you can relax that your body can heal well as it was designed to.

Subscribe now

The Drama Triangle of the Germ Theory keeps people in this fight-or-flight mode that continues the “victim” stance by keeping the body from ever truly healing. Whereas when you see your body as a terrain you can clean up (with good exercise, diet, sun, mindfulness, meditation, etc), you can relax. Your body can be less strained, and then it can heal naturally. You will be forced to face fear, however. That’s part of the healing process. It’s purificatory.

It’s far easier to blame a virus than your bad habits. It’s far easier to trust a doctor than God or yourself. People want a quick fix and they want to lean on “rescuers”. They abhor being told to take personal responsibility. That’s scary and possibly dangerous, and it’s certainly not what most other people are doing. So you’re going against the grain of society at large. You may even be dehumanized into an anti-vaxxer or a variety of other derogatory terms.

It’s very uncomfortable to switch your perspective, exit the germ theory Drama Triangle, and take personal responsibility. But, staying in the Drama Triangle, feeling like a victim and fighting germs and viruses is the impossible route. It’s time we learned our lessons, and fixed our terrains, body and minds.

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p

1

Please see the article from Josh Slocum, Banishing death broke our minds or, how I knew Covidianism was a scam from the start if you haven’t.

Disaffected Newsletter

Banishing death broke our minds

My involvement with the funeral and burial industry gave me what I needed to recognize that “the pandemic” was a manufactured crisis, and that recognition came within three weeks in Spring, 2020…

Read more

a year ago · 191 likes · 20 comments · Josh Slocum

Why The Interest In Drama?

I noticed a part of myself becoming interested in what happens; the same kind of intrigue you get when watching a good TV show. I was curious with myself. I don’t want to have a drama-filled life. So I asked myself, “Why?”

Time Flies

Turning your life into a drama makes time fly by just like when you are binge-watching a TV series. Since I do get bored sometimes, this can be helpful.

Desire For Justice

In this particular case, from my perspective, someone had responsibility and was not living up to it. I would imagine if you read my Substack you would agree I have a pretty level head about that, so I hope you can take my word on it. Negative consequences ensued (time and time again). I’ve heard complaints for months, if not over a year. Rather than shower the person with blessings (something like that happened), I would like someone to enforce a boundary and say this is not right.

It sounds like that may happen this time. I’d like to see it happen, which makes watching it more “exciting.”

Subscribe now

What It All Means

I think it’s natural to want someone who has evaded responsibility to have to face the music, so to speak. But, not everyone is as level-headed as I am. Some people are very bored (with first-world problems). A combination of people who are bored of their own lives without drama and narcissism can lead a person to want to play “Savior” or “Rescuer” and look for victims (problems) where they don’t exist.

A “Rescuer” will look for injustice until they find something that resembles it and also gives them a way to cloak their narcissistic desire to look good as the societally approved desire to do good.

Is it “Righteous” Indignation or Justice?

If you feel as if you want someone to get comeuppance, you should ask yourself if this is because it’s just (moral/right), or if the feeling is so-called “Righteous” Indignation. I’ve written about that before in my article Now I’ve Got You, You SOB Cancel Culture. I’ll copy and paste a tiny bit of it below.

From How To Break Free of the Drama Triangle and Victim Consciousness¹ by Barry & Janae Weinhold, PhDs.

“The Persecutor is the bad-guy role in the Drama Triangle. Most people avoid it unless they have a need to vent “justified” negative feelings such as anger or rage. In these instances, they must identify some excuse to feel justified or right so they can express their negative feelings. Once they have a good reason for making someone bad, they can dump their repressed feelings. This is one of the Persecutor payoffs. Righteous indignation, the most common form of Persecutor behavior, puts others down by using guilt and shame. Here’s a summary of the Persecutor role.

• Sets unnecessarily restrictive rules and limits.

• Blames others for whatever happens.

• Criticizes all actions of others.

• Keeps the Victim oppressed.

• Expresses justified and righteous anger.

• Uses guilt and shame to put another person down.

• Provokes conflict and drama.

• Takes a rigid, authoritative stance.

• Acts and sounds like a Critical Parent.

• Comes from an I’m okay/good, you’re not okay/bad position.

The Payoff: They get to be right and therefore justified in releasing pentup emotions. The Persecutor role allows a player to remain in control and dominate others. When someone rejects the heavy-handed behavior and expresses justified anger in return, this catapults them into the Victim and Victim Consciousness.”

Ask Yourself, “Is this pent-up emotion?”

You will have to be honest with yourself. If you want someone to get comeuppance, is your emotion due solely to this incident or is it pent-up emotion involving other incidents? Are you wanting to take out your frustrations with other people onto a scapegoat or a single “persecutor” while ignoring the other people who angered you?

I think most people who claim to have “righteous indignation” fall into that category. It goes back to cloaking their anger into something that is viewed as “okay” by polite society.

People will lie to themselves as well. You have to truly want the truth and be honest with yourself. We would all be better off if we actually wanted to know why we feel and do the things we do. But it’s scary for some.

I felt guilty when I first started to be interested. There was a surge of energy. I didn’t sleep much, but I felt more awake and alive than I had been earlier. It scared me. But I have a desire to be authentic, know myself, and look into why I feel as I do and what those feelings are. So I dove into the feelings with the question, “Why?” I have been wondering about the meaning of life lately. I’ve been asking myself about the point to getting up in the morning and living my life, “What am I doing that means something today?” Having a reason to wake up and something to look forward to can grant a little meaning. I think that’s all it is for me today, another interesting thing to look forward to after I wake up in the morning, like a TV show ending on a cliffhanger.

Knowing (because I was mindful and asked myself questions) actually causes the fear to go away. It’s no longer scary. I’m not worried this means I’m going to get caught up in drama that I should stay away from.

I would suggest you ask yourself “Why?” in the same manner the next time you’re in a similar situation. You’ll learn more about yourself. And any fear you have can dissipate when you actually know more. We’re afraid because of ignorance. When that disappears, fear can as well.

Leave a comment

BTC Donation Address: bc1q4s6h8rhyqawqlz46ppc3zc5v43duycp8m57h9p