How Many "Allies" Are Fawning Over Persecutors?
I wrote an article on my other substack last night. It wasn’t about the drama triangle specifically so I placed it there. But, it could be about the drama triangle. When a “Savior” views someone as a “Persecutor” they easily can start to “Persecute” that person as they project their own inner failings onto him or her as a scapegoat.
You can see my recent article on how the left scapegoats Trump here. They don’t want to deal with their authoritarian nature and rudeness so they say he’s the one doing everything that they do. This is an attempt to rid themselves of their own guilt. So Trump feels persecuted by them, and it’s a vicious cycle as they both end up feeling they have to defend themselves from persecution. It doesn’t matter who started it. The only winning move is not to play games in the drama triangle.
So, the whole world knows that the left likes to shut down debates or serious discussions with slurs like anti-vaxxer, climate-denier, TERF, transphobe, bigot, MAGAt, etc. They do this to dehumanize the opposition so that no discussions can occur. Once the other side is dehumanized, the left “knows” there is no reason to listen to any opposing viewpoints. This is the start of a cult, where no one is allowed to ask any questions, or else they’re thrown out of the club and dehumanized themselves.
People who have been called these names enough times realize when the left uses these dehumanizing slurs on everyone, even those it doesn’t fit, the sting has been taken out of the slurs. They stop caring what the left thinks about them. There’s a process of growing thick skin for many, especially if they used to consider themselves liberals/democrats. But, eventually, it just stops mattering.
However, there are still some democrats who feel as if they need their family and friends and “social reputation,” all of which they would be giving up if the left decided that they, too, were a transphobe/MAGAt/TERF/Anti-vaxxer, etc.
Fawning: A Threat Response
When you feel threatened, you enter the fight or flight, freeze or fawn response. Usually, we only hear about fighting or fleeing. But many times people get stuck in the freeze response, which is what my article last night was about.
The other fear response is “fawn” where you basically try to get on the good side of the person whom you deem as a threat. You will say the things you think they want to hear. You will do the things you think they want you to do so that their eyes never lay upon you to “cancel” you.
It can be related to Stockholm Syndrome, but usually, in Stockholm Syndrome the person actually develops positive feelings for the “threat.” If you are fawning, you may be more worried about not getting on their bad side and never lose the perception that this isn’t a good person whom you enjoy being around.
I believe there are many people claiming to be “allies” of LGBTQIA+, transgenders, Black Lives Matter, etc. who are fawning because they don’t want to be “canceled,” or otherwise thrown out of the “cult.” I would bet that those people don’t even realize that there’s a name for it and that they feel threatened. It’s probably a subconscious reaction.
As I wrote last night I don’t believe it’s good to side up with threats and I do believe they should be held personally accountable if they are hurting people by their actions (such as allowing children to be sexually traumatized). But it may help some people to at least understand what may be going on there.
Someone on the left who throws slurs around day and night and likes to cancel who they consider “very bad people” would probably laugh at the idea that they are a “threat” against whom people fawn. But “canceling” someone today can destroy lives when people get fired or otherwise lose their jobs over these accusations. If you are a Democrat and live in a dark blue state you can feel ostracized from family, friends, and the social group around you if they found out you had differing opinions.
I’m not writing this to explain away their behavior, but so that people can understand how easily the intimidators can get people on their side simply because of the threat of ostracization. Some people don’t know how to respond in stressful situations and get stuck in this fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. Then they make stupid decisions. It’s why it’s so important to be mindful of where you are mentally also.
As I wrote about last night, I was getting caught up in it too, and realized I needed to meditate. Do whatever you need to do to get out of that mode and relax. We all make much better decisions when we are not stuck in the threat state.
When you're told that if you feel uncomfortable, you're clearly denying your racism/homophobia/etc., people who feel uncomfortable will do whatever it takes to stop feeling uncomfortable, even attack someone else. Because if they admit, even to themselves, that the canceled are speaking sense, they fear that uncomfortable feeling with return and they told if they feel uncomfortable or like they ought to defend themselves.... Yes, that snake is eating its own tail.
If you are a trans widow, your voice is silenced. Your husband's diagnosing "sexologist" PhD psychologist submits a sworn affidavit into the custody case, despite the fact that your older son, at age 9, said he wants to kill himself and "Neddy," my pen name for him, will not attend therapy with the school mandated psychologist. That does not matter. The son witnessed Neddy saying he was his mom, to a doctor he randomly decided to take the children to. The younger son had serious asthma, but Neddy wanted to portray me, THE MOM, as a Munchausen By Proxy parent, who wants the child to have an illness. This, despite son's difficulties breathing at age 6, and before, every spring. "Be nice?" How about be responsible? How about don't spend on a designer handbag what the mother of your children is paying to a good dentist, a good therapist, and all? How 'bout that? Ute Heggen, discovered the diaries in 1992. It was the same back then~