"I Get Out" of the Drama Triangle

A song by Lauryn Hill and some Drama Triangle commentary

While listening to some music this morning, “I Get Out” by Lauryn Hill started playing. I thought maybe I should share it with you all. Here are some of the lyrics:

Your stinking resolution is no type of solution
Preventing me from freedom, maintaining your pollution
I won't support your lie no more
I won't even try no more
If I have to die, oh Lord, that's how I choose to live
I won't be compromised no more
I can't be victimized no more
I just don't sympathize no more, ‘cause now I understand
You just wanna use me
You say "love" then abuse me
You never thought you'd lose me
But how quickly we forget that nothin' is for certain
You thought I'd stay here hurtin'
Your guilt trip's just not workin', repressin' me to death
‘Cause now I'm choosin' life, yo
I'll take the sacrifice, yo
If everything must go, then go: that's how I choose to live

Enforcing Your Boundaries - Saying No

It’s a great song on many levels. hitting a few things I’ve written about on Substack. First, you need to enforce your boundaries. Enforcing your boundaries doesn’t just help you, it gives the abuser knowledge that you won’t go along with it. It also helps others to see how they could enforce their boundaries and better their own lives.

You Say “Love” Then Abuse Me

So many abusers like to say that they’re coming from a place of love and you should go along with the abuse because it’s helpful to you and others. I wrote about that backward viewpoint in the following article because people said it a lot during the supposed pandemic.

And here are a few more lyrics from the song, “I Get Out,”:

Oh, you’d have everyone believe
That you're the sole authority
Just follow the majority
Afraid to face reality—the system is a joke
Oh, you'd be smart to save your soul
Oh, and escape this mind control
You spent your life in sacrifice to a system for the dead
Oh, are you sure, where is the passion in this living?
Are you sure it's God you serving?
Obligated to a system
Getting less then you're deserving
Who made up these schools, I say
Who made up these rules, I say
Animal conditioning
Oh, just to keep us as a slave

The Sole Authority - Idolization

So many people look up to scientists and organizations like the WHO and FDA as the authority over what’s healthy and unhealthy. They look to Snopes to figure out if something is misinformation. These people in supposed “authority” often take advantage of that situation. You need to do your own research rather than look up to them as an idol, or “authority” on a subject.

If everything must go, then go:
that's how I choose to live

It is a religious song, and there’s talk of sacrificing oneself spiritually to a Father god, so it would most likely be considered a Christian song. I would say it’s about picking up your cross and carrying it, walking in the footsteps of Jesus Christ.

Being “Born Again”

But I think even atheists can have a “born again” moment where they decide to cast off the shackles of their old lives and old ways of relating to others. I think this song is a representation of that. It is about someone who perhaps saw themselves in the “victim” role and decided they had a choice to do something different. They took the responsibility to leave an abusive relationship. That is like death if you’ve grown up interacting with everyone through a drama-triangle lens.

You have to learn new ways to deal with those who abused you. But you also have to learn new ways to deal with those who are still willing to see themselves as “victims” and can’t understand how you won’t agree with them to play the blame game any longer.

It can be difficult to cast off the old way of being and find new people who don’t still fit into the drama triangle as well. But eventually you will find those people because you will be a new “creation.” The old “you” will be dead. That is the way to truly live.

I hope you enjoy Lauryn’s song, “I Get Out.” And, if you’re new to my substack, perhaps check out those other links to older articles.

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