10 Benefits of Enforcing Boundaries
Communists Hate Boundaries & Other Hypocritical Anti-Border Nonsense
The difference between someone inside of the drama triangle and someone outside of it (on any particular issue) is that inside of the triangle, you abdicate your responsibility to someone else. So, the difference between someone playing “victim” and someone feeling like a “victor” concerning setting boundaries is that the “victim” waits for someone else to set their boundaries for them. The “victor” simply says, “These are my boundaries,” and enforces them (in whichever way is best for the situation.
In this article I’m going to be discussing setting boundaries and enforcing them, and then asking, are Democrats/Communists (who are anti-border) abusers?
What is a Personal Boundary?
A personal boundary is like an invisible line that defines the parameters of an individual's emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual space. It establishes the acceptable behaviors and interactions someone is comfortable with and willing to tolerate in their relationships and environment.
So, boundaries can be about other people or just personal preferences within the environment. Using an umbrella during a rainstorm is enforcing a boundary against the rain because your preference is not to have water running down your hair and face as you walk outside. Wearing boots instead of shoes in a snowstorm would be the same thing. And, wearing noise-cancelling headphones on a noisy airplane would fit this category as well.
Personal boundaries reflect a person's needs, values, preferences, and limits, guiding how they engage with others and navigate various situations. These boundaries can vary greatly from person to person and may encompass aspects such as physical space, time, emotional intimacy, communication, and values.
An introvert who gets worn out in social situations has to have boundaries about how much time they spend socializing or else they will wear themselves out. Whereas an extrovert may desire space to go out more often than their partner because they have a strong preference for large social gatherings.
Explaining your preferences, such as things that you enjoy and things you will not tolerate to another person is defining your boundaries. If someone else breaks those “rules” then you have to decide if you will enforce them (such as spending less time with the person) or if you will let them break the rules with no consequences, in which case your boundary gets stepped all over as if it’s worthless, which it is worthless without being enforced.
Are All Boundary-Breakers Abusers?
Not all boundary-breakers intend to be abusers. They may just be ignorant of someone’s boundaries because that person hasn’t clearly defined them. If you have someone who’s grown up in an abusive situation, they may be very used to fawning to try to stay protected. They may go along to get along. So, they may not even know how to say no to things. In addition to that, some people are so enmeshed due to childhood trauma that they don’t even know their preferences in some situations.
If a person cannot understand what they don’t like or speak up to say this is something they don’t like, then how is the other person going to know there was a boundary there?
I think there are certain over-the-top situations where it should be obvious this is boundary-breaking, even if the “victim” doesn’t know or won’t enforce it. But there can be small things that really bug a person (quirks) such as getting frustrated when someone says, “like” all the time but never enforcing a boundary around it, such as leaving the conversation.
The Problem With Not Enforcing Your Boundaries
If you do not enforce your boundaries in public, and other people watch you interact within the world, they will not know your boundaries. This is a major reason why you would want to enforce your boundaries at all times.
Here’s an example of someone not enforcing their boundaries around what they’re called. A woman may hate it when a man at work calls her “sweetie.” The disgust may be a trigger response to past trauma. It may be something an abusive ex called her. But because she’s used to freezing in stressful situations, she doesn’t know how to say “stop” to him. Or perhaps she’s a “fawner” and she appears to be going along with it, acting like it’s okay.
Another coworker sees this going on and then innocently does the same thing to her a week later. Why would the second (or first for that matter) man know that it was not okay with her to call her sweetie? She never acted like she didn’t want it and she never said, “stop,” outright.
This is such a small example, but we have so many people in the world not enforcing their boundaries, such as saying no to an experimental vaccine or wearing masks when they didn’t want to, that shows the world that those personal boundaries are worthless.
Learn Your Preferences
It’s important to understand your personal preferences. I grew up in such a way that I have put other people’s needs, wants, and desires ahead of mine. I used to be one of those people who didn’t know what I wanted for sure (it’s a process to dig those authentic desires up).
I was watching a show the other night and I thought, “Thank God, I know now that I actually enjoy this show.” I used to watch it with an ex and I thought maybe I was “enjoying” it because he was. I thought perhaps they were his desires. This is how enmeshed I have been in the past. But because I was watching it, not wanting to go to sleep so I could watch another episode, when no one else was around, I knew my enjoyment was my own.
If you’ve been enmeshed with someone, it helps to get away for a while and look at that experience, event, book, show, song, etc. without anyone else around. Then you can see if you want to experience it (whatever it is) when you have no pressure to conform to someone else’s desires.
I wonder as I am writing this, how many readers are enmeshed and don’t know their personal desires. I think more people in the world are like this than even realize themselves. Please feel free to leave a comment on whether or not this is an issue for you.
10 Benefits of Boundary Enforcing
Protection from harm: Boundaries serve as a protective barrier against manipulation, exploitation, abuse, or violation of your rights and dignity.
Self-respect: Boundaries demonstrate that you value and respect yourself enough to prioritize your needs, feelings, and limits.
Healthy relationships: Clearly defined boundaries foster healthier relationships by establishing mutual respect and understanding of each other's limits and expectations.
Autonomy: Boundaries empower you to assert your independence and make choices that align with your values and goals without feeling pressured or manipulated.
Reduced stress: Setting and enforcing boundaries can reduce stress by minimizing conflict, preventing burnout, and creating a sense of control over your life.
Enhanced communication: Communicating your boundaries clearly encourages open and honest communication in relationships, leading to better understanding and resolution of conflicts.
Empowerment: Enforcing boundaries empowers you to take ownership of your life and make choices that support your well-being, happiness, and personal growth.
Maintaining balance: Boundaries help maintain a healthy balance between giving and receiving in relationships, preventing one-sided dynamics or codependency.
Preservation of energy: By establishing boundaries, you conserve energy for activities and relationships that truly matter to you, rather than spreading yourself too thin or engaging in draining interactions.
Setting a positive example: Enforcing boundaries sets a positive example for others, encouraging them to respect their own boundaries and fostering healthier interactions and relationships overall.
Enforcing Border Laws & Walls
Now that I’ve established how important it is to have boundaries, you can re-read the beginning with the US-Mexico border in mind. The United States’ borders have been overrun with people trying to enter without going through the immigration process. Those people have no respect for our laws. Laws are simply country boundaries rather than personal boundaries.
And why would they have respect for our boundaries (laws) if we don’t enforce them? As I said earlier, if people witness you not enforcing a boundary, they will see that they can cross over that line in the sand as well with no consequences.
Why did the state of Texas not enforce their laws as soon as people started breaking them? I know there’s been a legal battle on the topic, but can you see that sitting around waiting for someone else to enforce your boundaries makes you a “victim” waiting for a “Savior?” As soon as someone breaks the boundary/law, you must enforce it. Waiting to enforce it projects out to the world that no boundary actually exists.
Communists
Communists believe that we should have “equity” rather than equality. They believe that everything in the world belongs to everyone and we should distribute it all so everyone has the same amount.
Redistribution of Wealth
A communist believes you have no personal property which means they don’t believe in land boundaries. They believe it’s okay to take money that you earned in the form of taxes and give it to someone else to make them equal.
Redistribution of Health
A person terrified of COVID who believes in vaccines would want everyone to get the COVID vaccine. They would be okay with some people having to lose their health (to side effects like myocarditis) to help the immuno-compromised.
Redistribution of Education
Some think that in order to lift up the students having difficulty learning, that they should get rid of honors or gifted classes. In this way they are happy to take away education from those who would excel to try to give it to those who struggle. They want education to be “equal.”
“Equity” is stealing
The desire for equity is a desire to steal from others, whether it be their health, wealth, or education. Communists do not believe that you have a boundary protecting yourself from having those things stolen from you. Or, if they do believe in that boundary, they believe you’re evil for having it.
Abusers Hate Boundaries
Abusers are like spoiled children. This is likely due to being spoiled children who never grew up emotionally. They were not told “no” when growing up. So, they have an expectation of getting their way.
Important Benefit of Boundaries
If you enforce a boundary to an emotionally stable person, they will respect it. If you have any trouble whatsoever with someone when you try to enforce a healthy boundary, they are likely not emotionally stable. You would be better off getting away from those sorts of people. Your lack of enforcing the boundary up to this point is what was attractive about you to them. They can turn you from a friend/ally into a “persecutor” in no time.
Finding Out Who Your Friends Are
The benefit here is to find out who your real friends are. One of the best and worst things of the “COVID years” was that people got to see what their preferences were, how well-equipped (or not) they were to enforce boundaries, and who was willing to accept their boundaries (or not).
Hypocrites
If you ever meet a communist or Democrat who says they believe in people having personal boundaries, you could ask them how they feel about the border boundaries or money boundaries. It seems to me if they were consistent in not believing in having boundaries in one area, they should be consistent in all areas. But arguing with hypocrites is often a waste of time.
Ukraine Border
Why is it so many Democrats want to enforce the Ukrainian border from Russian forces but not enforce the US border from the multitudes streaming in down south? Why is it they’re okay with the Ukrainian forces having guns to protect their bodies from being shot and killed, but not US citizens from having guns to protect their physical bodily boundaries from bullets?
Anti-Boundary Abusers & The UN
There are clear benefits to having and enforcing boundaries. But there’s a plan to unite the nations and create new “laws” (boundaries) from some external source (the UN). Perhaps “victims” want to wait around for someone else to enforce their boundaries for them, but normal, healthy people do not.
Emotionally healthy people strive to get out of the drama triangle and enforce their own personal boundaries. They do not want to be told what boundaries they can and can’t have.
If you’re told you cannot have a boundary (preference) such as not wanting to wear a mask or get a vaccine or not wanting your child to be taught that it’s evil to be white or that they can change sex with surgery, etc., then you’re being abused. Someone is intentionally abusing you.
Abusers don’t care about your boundaries. They may even hate your boundaries. That is the reaction of a spoiled child who always got their way. They’ll throw a tantrum if you enforce your boundaries, but enforce them you must. It will help the spoiled children grow up.
Many people are accustomed to abuse. Many are having difficulty saying, “no.” Their fawning and freezing enable abusers to get their way (which leads those abusers to be more brazen).
If a country has laws that you don’t like, as of now, you can move to a country that is more aligned with your preferences. If we are all under the same “laws” from the UN, then there is nowhere to go. That’s a problem. So people have to say, “No” to laws they don’t agree with.
Conclusion
You can see how important it is to find your preferences, communicate them clearly, and take action when someone disregards them. Not enforcing boundaries enables abusers to become worse. And, people who claim to want the best for others (like pursuing “equity”) are simply sugar-coating abuse. They have no respect for the ones they are trying to step all over, and why would they have respect for those people? If those people don’t enforce their boundaries, what boundary is there to respect? Enforcing boundaries is a way to respect yourself and love your neighbors. When you enforce boundaries, you make the world less hospitable for abusers.
This article was loosely based on an old article of mine written during the Kyle Rittenhouse trial, “Should you take the beating or defend your boundaries?”
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Your Resistance Can Turn Abusers Around
For the most part, people pick the path of least resistance. If something is difficult or time-consuming to do, then the chances that it will be done decrease, especially when there is an easier way to get things done. If you wanted to control people, would you opt to be the leader of people who think similarly to you or people who don’t? Think about it, if they see things your way
I really like your point about how difficult it can be to discover your own preferences, particularly when you’ve made a habit of (internally or externally) saying something like “what I want doesn’t matter.”
“Selfishness” is often used as a throwaway insult to describe someone who puts little thought into how their actions affect others, but I think this is a mistake because it overlooks the genuine difficulty of discovering what values and pursuits are actually good for you. Thanks for the article.
Nice article Barbara... (do we still write articles?) I think that Democrats hate boundaries too, at least the ones who occupy the white house.