Introducing Chords & Conflict: Exploring Song Drama, where I discuss songs I like that have drama triangle angles in them. They will hopefully be short: 1 song with commentary. Maybe you’ll like them. Mostly I feel like I just need to write them.
If I’m picking songs apart, I’m doing that because I like the particular song. The song will definitely be on my playlist, which means I’m listening to it which is why my mind is begging me to write about it. I won’t dissect songs I hate and never hear.
This morning I was listening to and loving the song “It Ain’t Me Babe” by The Turtles.
According to Genius.com, these are some of the lyrics:
Go away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'm not the one you need
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who's never weak, but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
[Chorus]
But it ain't me, babe
A-no, no, no, it ain't me, babe
Well, it ain't me you're lookin' for, babe
I always sang it as “I know, know, know it ain’t me babe” rather than “A-no, no, no, it ain't me, babe” and I hope I’m correct1. But that’s beside the point.
The guy is talking to a woman who wants him to defend her even if she is wrong, she doesn’t want him to be weak at all. She wants him to open each and every door for her.
We can’t be certain because there’s not a lot of context, but every time I hear this song, I think she’s probably one of those girls playing “victim” and wanting a “savior.”
She doesn’t want to open her own door, not once? She doesn’t want to have a conversation with her man if he thinks she’s wrong or consider if she’s mistaken? She just wants him to always defend her position no matter what? Seems like she thinks she’s always going to be correct and she’s not looking to change or grow. That’s a red flag.
Here are some more lyrics:
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who'll promise never to part
Someone to close his eyes to you
Someone to close his heart
Someone who will die for you and more
What’s more than dying for someone? That seems extreme. It’s nice if your mate feels like you’re worth dying for, but what if it’s a choice between you or your child? Should it always be you? Well, we don’t know her reasoning. There’s too little context to say for sure.
Wanting him to promise never to part may be a red flag. It’s reasonable to not want to marry a man who wouldn’t promise that. But is this something a woman would outright demand of a man? What if she’s abusive? He should be able to part without a guilty conscience. What if he dies and leaves her alone?
A lot of people idolize their mates in the sense that they think if their mate died, they wouldn’t be able to live. Honestly, some older couples are probably right. Some widows and widowers die of what is probably loneliness and a broken heart right after their mate dies. I know my great aunt and her sister died very close in time, probably because of that.
Because I held on in a relationship for so long thinking, “I don’t know what I would do without him,” I definitely think others are afraid of this. Maybe not everyone. But a lot of people think getting together with another person will “solve” their issues. It won’t.
Everything said in this song isn’t necessarily a sign that the woman was playing “victim” and looking to a man to “save” her. But it sounds like that, especially when the man says he can’t do that for her in a pretty rational way. Some men might just use a woman this clingy and lie to her and leave her later. He’s being outright and honest with her that he’s not going to be able to be what she needs.
It sounds to me like he’s taking personal responsibility, explaining the situation rationally, and strictly enforcing his boundaries. I would be happy that a man would be that honest with me.
But, if she is playing “victim” then she’ll probably label him a “persecutor” to her friends and complain and gossip about him, about how “evil” he was. He should be prepared for that response and then be thankful he got out when he did.
Most of the songs I listen to and ponder writing about are from a drama triangle perspective. This song stands out as not being written from within the drama triangle perspective.
What do you think of my interpretation? Would you see it a different way? Do you like the idea of me writing about songs in this way?
EDIT: A commenter,
, linked to Wikipedia’s article and added some additional context. From that article:"Dylan," Hentoff writes, "went on to record a song about a man leaving a girl because he was not prepared to be the kind of invincible hero and all-encompassing provider she wanted." "'It ain't me you're looking for babe,' he [Dylan] sang, with finality," Hentoff writes in his piece.
The term “hero” is synonymous with “savior” in the context of the drama triangle. Next time I should check Wikipedia before making my articles go live.
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I was wrong. It’s “A-no, no, no” according to the Wikipedia article.
It Ain't Me Babe - Chords & Conflict