You Don't Have the Right to Be Heard
You Can Speak Freely, But You Can't Require Others Listen To You
We have the freedom of speech. There is a freedom to say whatever you want to say. But if someone in some comment or video or article or podcast is saying something you disagree with and you go to comment there, you shouldn’t have the expectation that your disapproving and/or disagreeing comment will stay forever.
The “Persecuted”
I used to get upset that my comments were getting deleted. I was upset because I had the belief that if I write something on social media it should stay up. Clearly, that belief was going to keep making me upset (or offended) if I kept believing it. I cannot control what other people moderate or delete in their own spaces. I was only getting upset because of my belief (expectation). So I changed my belief.
I realized that back then, I was feeling like a “victim” being oppressed by a “persecutor” who was deleting what I spent a long time typing up.
I still laugh at that time when I wrote a very well-thought-out logical proof that God existed in a Christians vs Atheists group only to find out while I was writing it I was getting banned and when I hit “send” the proof disappeared. In my anger, the “proof” escaped me. I just find it funny now. I sincerely think God has a kick-ass sense of humor.
But back then I felt persecuted. I spent so much time and effort writing these well-thought-out comments and posts, I felt I had the right to be heard. I wanted to be seen. I wanted to be seen because I felt like they were wrong and I could prove them wrong and impart the truth to them. I was taking on a “savior” mentality, viewing them as victims of mis- or disinformation.
Conflating Freedom of Speech with Being Heard
In the United States, you have the right to say what you want to say, so long as you’re not breaking laws (threats, etc) and NDA contracts. You have that freedom of speech. But many people who are stuck in the Drama Triangle feel as if they have a right to be heard too. They don’t want to be like a tree falling in a forest with no one around to hear them.
Why do they want to be heard? They feel as if their words can change other people’s minds. They long to be a savior and change minds through their talking or writing. They do not understand that you can’t change someone else’s mind when that someone has motivated reasoning to never change.
Motivated Reasoning Keeps Us From Changing Minds
I recently saw this saying (below) and it’s quite accurate. I know that I cannot change someone’s mind. They have to be ready and willing to accept a new way of thinking. I have actually said it’s impossible to change people’s minds because I believe it is. I never write or speak expecting to change people’s minds with my words.
People think even if you’re not able to change that one person’s mind, maybe others on social media will read your comment and be changed. They see themselves as this “savior” with new knowledge that the audience has never heard before.
It’s Not All Up To You
Those people who never heard it before will attract the answers they’re looking for, whether it comes from you or someone else. Yes, my belief in the law of attraction is part of the reason I am able to not stay in the drama triangle any longer. You may believe that the person would never hear this amazing comment, fact, or argument of yours from someone else in some other manner.
You may think you have special knowledge you need to impart to them in order to change their life for the better. But I believe they have a God-Source, inner being, or higher self that is leading them to the truth if they desire it. I don’t think it has to be you. It is rather prideful to think they need to hear from you and you alone.
There is Another Way
And, I get that some people feel they need to warn people about the dangerous plans the “elite” have and how very awful this or that thing is. But you can still say these things; you just don’t have the right to force your words into someone else’s reality. They have the right to block and delete your words.
Rather than argue with people who will never believe you and don’t want to hear from you, it would be much more productive for you to start your own newsletter or podcast to reach people who do want to hear from you. If you have something worth talking about then you will attract people who want to hear what you’re saying and they can share it with others. Your time will no longer be wasted writing things that just get deleted when you have control over the medium you share it on. You’ll make a longer-lasting impact.
Leaving the Drama Triangle
People who want to force others to listen to them are stuck in the drama triangle because they have a belief that they can save “victims” from being incorrect with their persuasive words. They then feel persecuted by whoever has decided to block them or delete their comments.
They have the ability to leave the drama triangle by writing their own newsletter or creating a podcast or myriad other ways to share their words. One thing I do is repost whatever it is with my comments above it rather than commenting on it directly.
But, if they choose other ways, they won’t get the feeling of being a “savior” to the “victim.” They’re getting some sort of emotional benefit that’s worth the cost of the drama to them. Some people really like the excitement of the drama.
We can’t “save” people stuck in the drama triangle. They need to decide to leave themselves. Most of them are not ready to give up the drama and take personal responsibility and find a new way to communicate with the world.
Why Do People Feel The Need?
Why is it that people feel the need to convince others of something or to argue in comment sections? It comes from a place of feeling powerless over their reality. They feel that their power to change the world would come from their convincing arguments. It’s like I wrote about in the past, how saviors feel as if they have the weight of the world on their shoulders.
Saviors Take The Weight of the World On Their Shoulders
Many people believe they have a duty to be unhappy. They look at those who they perceive to be victims and they think, “So long as people are suffering, I must too.” I have explained that the drama triangle only works if you (acting as “savior”) don’t think other people (perceived “victims”) should be responsible for themselves and/or you don’t think you need to take personal responsibility for yourself (victim mentality).
They feel as if this is their way of making a mark on the world. And there could also be a fear that if they don’t make this argument, then something bad will happen. Fear makes us make stupid mistakes. We don’t think clearly in fear. As I said there are other ways to share your ideas with the world that don’t come from comment sections on someone else’s post, article, or podcast. And it’s not your job to “save” someone from incorrect beliefs.
Changing Your Focus To Feeling Powerful
This desire comes from a feeling of powerlessness as I said. You want to focus less on where you feel powerless and more on all of the things you have power over. Think about all of the things you can do, rather than the things you can’t do.
When you start taking personal responsibility over what you can control, you’ll see you can feel powerful without needing to comment and argue with those you disagree with. You will be far more powerful and impactful in writing and communicating with people who want to hear what you have to say than with those who have motivated reasoning to not listen to you at all.
Help me to remember that I am the window, and not the light.
This is *everything* and really encapsulates why I started writing to begin with.
I’m writing for people who want my content.