Do Benefits Actually Benefit People?
How "Benefits" Can Weaken People
How To Help Someone
When you see someone who you think needs help, you see them as weak and unable to take care of themselves. In some cases, you may be correct. Yet, the best way to help is to help them help themselves. I recently wrote about the quote, “If you give a man a fish he is hungry again in an hour. If you teach him to catch a fish you do him a good turn.”
Saving or Helping?
From the Drama Triangle perspective, to continually give a man a fish each day is to be a “Savior,” but to teach a man to fish is to be a helper (someone outside of the drama triangle).
A helper is someone who helps another once (or a small number of times) while that someone simultaneously takes personal responsibility in furthering their goals. They may be going to school, learning a trade, or growing a business. That someone is seen by the helper as capable of taking care of themselves long-term.
A “Savior” thinks that someone is totally incapable of taking care of their own affairs and needs them (the Savior) or the government (acting as a Savior) to come in and solve this, to make things fair. Because this “solution” doesn’t require the person to actually be responsible for themselves, the “solution” must go on forever, or else the person will be back in the original boat since he or she has made no personal improvements through irresponsibility.
Adversity & Hitting Rock Bottom
When you go through a rough time, you face the decision to complain or change. You can complain and, in a sense, crawl into a hole and get weaker. That would be the case of someone choosing to play “victim.”
Or, you can see that this situation is something you very much don’t like and decide to get out of it one way or another. When someone hits rock bottom, they decide that the pain of changing themselves is now worth it because it’s less than the pain of staying the same.
Saviors Weaken Their “Victims”
If you are in the position to choose to hit rock bottom and change yourself or to play the victim, your environment has a strong impact. People who are in that tough spot but know that if they play the victim they’ll be “saved” by the government, family, or someone else will pretty much always choose to get “saved.” That’s because the pain of changing is still worse than the pain to stay the same.
“Saviors” pride themselves on making things for these “victims” comfortable. However, people who act as “Saviors” are making it so that others will never hit rock bottom and decide to better themselves. They make it so those others are dependent upon them. Saviors’ actions encourage weakness over strength and irresponsibility over responsibility.
If you are encouraged by a “Savior” to stay the same or continually look for your weaknesses (to continue to get benefits) then you will only get less resilient rather than more over time.
People need to hit rock bottom to make the personal decision to better themselves. They need to know that the pain to stay the same is worse than the pain to change, grow, and mature.
So I mentioned at the beginning of this article that sometimes people cannot take care of themselves. The problem we face is that everyone has a different line they will draw when it comes to giving benefits, money, time & energy to someone or deciding they can do it themselves with some help. I think the window has shifted from very few people being seen by society as actually needing this care to way too many people. But, the cat’s out of the bag now.
Like spoiled children, people have become entitled. And, they are to be likened to children because if someone has not taken responsibility for themselves, they have not matured into an emotional adult yet. The mark of maturation into adulthood should be whether or not people take personal responsibility or act like victims who need an Uncle Sam or Big Brother to watch out for them. Many see the government as their parents or family members and it shows.
Because people are entitled, trying to cut back on how many people the government “helps” (read=saves) will result in emotional children throwing temper tantrums because they have not hit rock bottom before. They have not had to mature. This is why good times create weak men.
To create resilience in people, to help them help themselves, they will have to hit rock bottom. The best way to help someone is to allow them to realize it’s actually more painful to stay the same than to grow up, mature, and take responsibility for themselves.
Our economic system works the same way. We have subsidized businesses that were seen as incapable of thriving without government intervention. If a business needs to be subsidized then it deserves to fail. Through trial and error, the owners would succeed eventually with changes because they would be building resilience. They would look for the reasons for failure, cut those out, and add in what would actually benefit the business. Innovation comes from repeated failures. But as we prop up failing businesses, people, and tactics we reduce our societal and business innovations.
I also wrote about the benefits of stress in a past article. Being bullied builds resilience. You grow thick skin and learn to stop caring what bullies think about you. Why on earth would you care what a bully thinks of you? You will mature from the experience, unless you cry “victim,” of course.
You can think of trees or plants being “bullied” by severe weather. The strong survive because they put down roots and get thick skin. If you are ever concerned about the government or others bullying you and your like-minded kind, remember, that you’re growing in adversity and the strong will survive. Bad times create strong men who end up taking over.
Now just because bullying creates strong, resilient men, doesn’t mean I think bullying is a kind or the correct thing to do. It’s not. But to the immature, spoiled emotional “children” out there, they will think not getting what they think they’re entitled to is bullying. They misunderstand it.
They think they’re entitled to being “saved” by the government, family, or others. They think they’re owed that just for being alive. They’re not owed it.
So, I’m not pro-bullying. I don’t think people should intentionally pick on others. Someone happy in their life never would. Bullying is a sign that someone is unhappy and stuck in the drama triangle probably because they’re projecting something that hate about themselves onto others.
But, you shouldn’t be afraid to be seen as a bully by emotional children throwing a tantrum simply for you enforcing your boundaries. Suggesting taxpayers’ money not be stolen and given to someone else who doesn’t need it is not bullying. And, allowing someone to be free from “benefits” will help them hit rock bottom and allow them the opportunity to emotionally mature and become resilient.
You allow another person to flourish when you see them as capable of becoming a responsible adult. Giving handouts to people and businesses stops that growth and encourages atrophy.