Quite a fascinating discussion / analysis. Relationships (and here I don't mean a long term romantic relationship but rather just a brief interaction between two people) can be complex. What I tend to promote is the concept that almost never does someone consider the other person's viewpoint.
Saying "no" to someone trying to be nice can be very difficult to understand. It's easy for that "no" to be interpreted as "Yes I love that you would do that, but I don't want to ask or expect it from you".
We all could benefit from "slowing down and listening to each other" more!
Yes, I think most people never slow down to think of how the other will react. They usually just project how they would react if that was done for them. You can see how someone feeling like a victim and unloved would adore to be love-bombed so they love bomb their interests which will usually scare people away.
Yes, perhaps the number one flaw / mistake in human relationships is failure to consider the other person's viewpoint. And that is something that can be extra difficult with someone you've never met before and don't know much about them.
I read this article and think of the young guy (myself?) meeting someone they are attracted to and lacking life experience attempting to do anything possible that might please the object of their attraction.
A perfect example I think is people working retail positions. For many jobs a person's job calls for them to be nice (even flirty!) with customers. That doesn't mean there is any interest in the customer, simply they are doing their job to increase sales. How many people on the other side of the counter STOP to think that the nice person is actually *just* doing their job?
You do make an interesting point about men trying to catch a woman's attention. But, if you got the date in the first place the attention was caught. I do find this topic interesting.
I want to add on to what I've said above. If the same thing in the dream had happened at a mall, carnival, or amusement park, etc. my reaction would be quite different. I wouldn't have said, "No," and I wouldn't mind sitting down, waiting for a guy to get some food (that I just mentioned I might enjoy) for me. I would explain about the flimsy bacon and pick it off if I didn't want it.
The difference here is that it happened when we sat down to watch a film (and then he left so we wouldn't be able to talk about the film afterwards). What's the point in going to see a movie together if you're not going to see it together? And I couldn't explain about the flimsy bacon because that would require talking in the theater, again.
So I'm really not against men doing kind things, but just not doing something because you're excited to do it even if the lady has said she doesn't want it done. And, situational awareness would be good. I would say don't ask personal questions or try things like this when she's surrounded by people and going to be embarrassed or put on the spot to answer. People are expected to talk in those public spaces I mentioned earlier. But being in the theater I would feel like trying to be as quiet as possible and with as little arguing/explaining as possible.
Definitely the movie theater setting is a different setting than where talking would be normal.
When I go to a movie, I like to arrive very early. Being there well ahead of the start of the movie can provide 15 to 20 minutes of talking time. I sure don't want to have a conversation during a movie, but afterward one of the main aspects of doing something together is to be able to talk about it afterward.
The whole topic of dating and relationships fascinates me and I've observed a fair amount over my lifetime. Experience and maturity make a big difference.
I am work, so this will be much shorter than I would like, but I think it's part of the problem with dating. People with low confidence (feel like a victim) go overboard rather than simply talk with a person first and learn about them before trying to predict what they will like. When you have low confidence you repel people because of the over-compensation. Better habits would include getting to know someone before trying to impress them with gifts or un-asked-for acts like I wrote about.
People with low confidence don't understand what having high confidence is like and vice versa. They rarely stop to think about the other person's experience.
This also plays into the difference between being female vs male. Women get a lot more attention so they can sit back and choose. Men are usually competing to get the attention from a woman so they often resort to the quick and easy things like giving gifts. (from the male perspective) "getting to know someone" is extremely difficult (generally a guy has a very limited window of opportunity to catch a woman's attention).
Quite a fascinating discussion / analysis. Relationships (and here I don't mean a long term romantic relationship but rather just a brief interaction between two people) can be complex. What I tend to promote is the concept that almost never does someone consider the other person's viewpoint.
Saying "no" to someone trying to be nice can be very difficult to understand. It's easy for that "no" to be interpreted as "Yes I love that you would do that, but I don't want to ask or expect it from you".
We all could benefit from "slowing down and listening to each other" more!
Yes, I think most people never slow down to think of how the other will react. They usually just project how they would react if that was done for them. You can see how someone feeling like a victim and unloved would adore to be love-bombed so they love bomb their interests which will usually scare people away.
Yes, perhaps the number one flaw / mistake in human relationships is failure to consider the other person's viewpoint. And that is something that can be extra difficult with someone you've never met before and don't know much about them.
I read this article and think of the young guy (myself?) meeting someone they are attracted to and lacking life experience attempting to do anything possible that might please the object of their attraction.
A perfect example I think is people working retail positions. For many jobs a person's job calls for them to be nice (even flirty!) with customers. That doesn't mean there is any interest in the customer, simply they are doing their job to increase sales. How many people on the other side of the counter STOP to think that the nice person is actually *just* doing their job?
You do make an interesting point about men trying to catch a woman's attention. But, if you got the date in the first place the attention was caught. I do find this topic interesting.
I want to add on to what I've said above. If the same thing in the dream had happened at a mall, carnival, or amusement park, etc. my reaction would be quite different. I wouldn't have said, "No," and I wouldn't mind sitting down, waiting for a guy to get some food (that I just mentioned I might enjoy) for me. I would explain about the flimsy bacon and pick it off if I didn't want it.
The difference here is that it happened when we sat down to watch a film (and then he left so we wouldn't be able to talk about the film afterwards). What's the point in going to see a movie together if you're not going to see it together? And I couldn't explain about the flimsy bacon because that would require talking in the theater, again.
So I'm really not against men doing kind things, but just not doing something because you're excited to do it even if the lady has said she doesn't want it done. And, situational awareness would be good. I would say don't ask personal questions or try things like this when she's surrounded by people and going to be embarrassed or put on the spot to answer. People are expected to talk in those public spaces I mentioned earlier. But being in the theater I would feel like trying to be as quiet as possible and with as little arguing/explaining as possible.
Definitely the movie theater setting is a different setting than where talking would be normal.
When I go to a movie, I like to arrive very early. Being there well ahead of the start of the movie can provide 15 to 20 minutes of talking time. I sure don't want to have a conversation during a movie, but afterward one of the main aspects of doing something together is to be able to talk about it afterward.
The whole topic of dating and relationships fascinates me and I've observed a fair amount over my lifetime. Experience and maturity make a big difference.
I am work, so this will be much shorter than I would like, but I think it's part of the problem with dating. People with low confidence (feel like a victim) go overboard rather than simply talk with a person first and learn about them before trying to predict what they will like. When you have low confidence you repel people because of the over-compensation. Better habits would include getting to know someone before trying to impress them with gifts or un-asked-for acts like I wrote about.
People with low confidence don't understand what having high confidence is like and vice versa. They rarely stop to think about the other person's experience.
This also plays into the difference between being female vs male. Women get a lot more attention so they can sit back and choose. Men are usually competing to get the attention from a woman so they often resort to the quick and easy things like giving gifts. (from the male perspective) "getting to know someone" is extremely difficult (generally a guy has a very limited window of opportunity to catch a woman's attention).