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Pride, Shame or Hate for Skin Color
Sometimes I hate my fair skin, so I understand the grass being greener...
I was thinking about my skin's lightness the other day while relaxing on the deck, in the sun. There are certain pros and cons to everything in life, but I mostly think about the negatives when it comes to my skin. It’s super light, and I have all these freckles that seem to keep coming in. I have light sensitivity and since my eyelids are so light, it doesn’t really block out much sunlight when I close them.
My bruises are far more visible. I ran into a doorframe, leaving a black-and-blue mark on my forearm and I was stopped by someone who probably thought I had gotten a tattoo or something. She wanted a look at it. It’s just a sign that I’m clumsy, that is all. It stands out like a sore thumb though.
I went for a power walk in the park one day and was stopped by my father who was worried I had gotten sunburned. No, I am just super red because of the workout. The redness went away after a few hours of rest. But you can see my veins through my skin. And when I was on a youth trip to Chicago in my teens, I remember this black child asking, “Why are you so white?” In case anyone is wondering, I answered, “Because this is how God made me.” God made us all these various colors and I won’t believe there is anything wrong with what God made.
I’m not unaware of the racism against white people today. I remember being in college in 2023. My friend from Guyana mentioned this group of so-called Christians was trying to convert her to thinking that white people were the Edomites that God hated. They said that Edom means “red” and white people turn red when you hit them, so it must mean the white people were born from the Edomite line. So, in the future, when Jesus comes back, they’ll be slaves of the black people. My friend obviously didn’t agree.
Decades later, I have since “met” (online) Black Hebrew Israelites who believe the same stuff. I had to block someone who had been friendly but kept espousing these racist views. Jesus came to “save” everyone in the world. He wasn’t a racist.
We Are Accustomed To Ourselves
Whatever is easy and perceived as good in our lives seems to come naturally to us, and we, through hedonic adaptation, tend to not appreciate the good things. Our brains are far more concerned with possible threats and focus (when left to their own devices) on the negative things that happen or may happen.
The grass is always greener on the other side they say…
When someone does not feel comfortable with their identity or feel loved for who they are, they look for these feelings of love or comfort from some other place. Rather than look inside at their thoughts concerning themselves and then try to change their beliefs or accept themselves, they think if they change something else then they can feel better.
So people look to things about themselves that they can change, like their looks. Or, they look to changing other people’s perspectives on them, like changing the culture to be more “accepting.”
I know people out there look to the Western culture and long for it, and some paint their faces white or try to bleach their skin. I don’t get it, because most of the time I’m focused on the negatives of my skin color. Then, there are people in the US, who believe having white skin gets you an unfair advantage. I have never seen that. Of course, they would say that’s because I am accustomed to having white skin. They say it’s powerful and I’m just oblivious to it.
They say there’s power in having white skin because they feel powerless inside. Rather than figuring out how to be powerful, regardless of their appearance, they look to blame other factors, as I mentioned above. And, if it’s a white person saying it, they likely are racists and have “white guilt” and want to play savior.
Focusing on Looks Is Miswanting
It’s not just about skin color either, many women think of their skin blotchiness, etc., and look to makeup to try to cover up any “flaws.” Then we have people who want to have complete plastic surgery or take hormones to look like the opposite sex.
These people want to feel comfortable in their own skin. But, rather than taking the (mental) time to ask themselves why they feel uncomfortable in the first place, they simply blame (physical) things, like skin color, or gender stereotypes about looks. Then they try to change those physical things. But we know from past studies that it doesn’t work out. The reason why it doesn’t work out is that they’re blaming the wrong thing for their dissatisfaction. It’s the mental worldview, not the physical looks that causes the pain.
It’s like trying to get rid of weeds and only mowing the lawn. The weeds will pop right back up. You have to get rid of them at the root, so they can’t grow any longer. Simply changing your looks won’t help you to actually accept yourself. And these people who try all of these external tricks do not accept themselves. The only thing that will help help them is to get to the root issue, which is inside of them.
All Looks Are Loved & Hated
Because the grass is always greener on the other side, someone of every color in the world either hates being that color or loves the looks of others. I will say it’s usually those who have never experienced being that color who long after it. That is because people become accustomed to whatever they look like and stop noticing any “positive” things that may come out of it.
Though, obviously there are people who focus on “pride” for their skin color (eg. Black Pride, White Pride). That whole idea is bizarre to me because you can’t really take pride (pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association) in something you had zero control over.
Looks like they changed the definition of the word to include “A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect,” but if that was really the case, you wouldn’t care about what other people thought of you and there would be no need for a pride movement or group in the first place. These sorts of pride events or get togethers are usually because they do not really have a sense of their own worth and they may be trying to compensate for that lack in this way.
Is there some benefit to being white? Maybe? I guess my veins are more easily seen so when I get my blood drawn they know very well where to stick the needle. I think some black women complain about their “black hair” so maybe “white” hair is more manageable? Although I have my own hair problems, so I don’t see any benefit there. It may be easier for me to get Vitamin D if we forget about the major sunburn risk.
I know there are some benefits to having more melanin in the skin. Skin imperfections tend to be far less noticeable and my eyes might not be as hurt by the light as they would through fair skin. All in all any pros and cons likely even out. But many people cannot believe that.
Someone who believes in CRT would say I am overly estimating the benefits of having darker skin and downplaying any benefits of having fair skin. I understand and agree. But, they are too, just in the opposite direction. They would be overly estimating the benefits of having lighter skin and they would downplay any benefits to having darker skin. At least I can be honest and say that I do this. I just think we all do this and it evens out so no one is actually worse off. We’re just different.
Some people may spend no time thinking about their skin color, so maybe saying “we all” doesn’t work there. It’s usually when a child is self-conscious that they will look to anything to blame, and for many people, it’s skin color. Some people blame how much money they have or don’t have, and others blame -phobes, etc. Children with issues can fixate on a particular thing, and bring that issue with them as they age.
People want to believe that all their problems are because of some “persecutor.” And in the US they look to blame whoever is “racist” or “transphobic.” Rather than taking responsibility for their mental beliefs and accepting themselves for who they are, they shift that responsibility to other people. Now they want to change other people (instead of themselves) in order to feel better about who they are. It’s basically the lazy option, to blame others instead of trying to feel love for and accept yourself, regardless of what others think.
We Should Accept Ourselves
There’s really no use in longing to be another skin color, and there is a lot of good in accepting yourself for who God made you to be. Focusing on what you hate, just makes what you hate seem larger. Focusing on what you love about yourself is the antidote.
Pride Parties Are Trying Too Hard
But, I don’t see the sense in having pride parties or celebrations over it. I do think they’re overcompensating and I don’t think it’s really a healthy self-acceptance. It seems to me that pride parties are swinging too far in the opposite direction.
A healthy self-acceptance would be to stop picking apart all things about you that you hate and not blaming others for anything to do with it either.
With the pride parties, it seems to me that they’re more about shoving it in others’ faces which shows there they have a perspective that “others” are “persecutors.” The partying is supposed to be a show of “victory” over “oppression.” But it’s just like TDS. The so-called “persecutor” lives “rent-free” in the minds of those who see themselves as “victims” who need to now “claim victory” with their pride party.
As I always say, if you see someone as a “persecutor” you are the slave of that person. It’s what people mean when they say that person “lives rent-free” in their minds. They’re constantly concerned with what that person says or does. So their moods are dependent and they become enslaved to that person.
A truly free person, with self-acceptance, and a true sense of one's own proper dignity or value, will not care what other people are doing, and won’t need to party to show off to the world that they’re found some “pride” in themselves.
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